CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

As salam aleikum brothers & sisters

I’m sorry for my long silence and absence but i guess it isn’t a real surprise seeing as i am only a pretend writer but I’m sure with persistence and perseverance, i will get better.
i have decided to talk about something that as Nigerians we all know happens but for some reason or another it never gets addressed. We all know it’s wrong, we all know it exists but we don’t like to talk about it let alone tackle the issue. I’m talking about child sexual abuse.
I recently saw a post on my alumnae page on facebook asking if we remember such and such teachers. Sweet memories came to mind as I was reading through the names then I saw a male teacher’s name and I remember rumours about his (and some other male teachers) secret relations with some of the girls at school. At the time I didn’t think it was wrong on the teacher’s part but I thought the girls were slutty but looking back now, I can’t help but feel upset by the fact that those teachers were in a position of trust and yet they did not flinch at all before they were taking advantage of the young girls. I don’t think they realised it was child abuse. Maybe they still do it now. I certainly know a few older men still do it and think it is ok for them to be with a girl who is under the age of consent. (Do Nigerians even know about age of consent?) I’m sure if the girls knew then what they know now they probably would not let it happen. Parents send their kids to school in the hope that the teachers will look out for them not take advantage of them. Like I said, they were rumours so I cannot confidently say they happened. But I know for a fact that it has happened outside of school to some kids without realising what they were doing is wrong on all levels. Some of these parents may I say do not hesitate before they sexually abuse a child elsewhere. Some even abuse their own children now that is one sick parent.

I have heard and read about men committing this heinous crimes but I don’t remember hearing or reading about a woman committing child sexual abuse. Is it because Nigerian women are more God fearing than the men? Or is it the maternal instinct in them that does not allow them to think of carrying out such crime or am I just unaware that they do it too? Do the men not realise what they are doing is bad or do they just choose to ignore their conscience? I have lots of question about it but I don’t think I will get an answer to it anytime soon.

Even when nollywood make films about it, they don’t really address it. Nigeria movie industry do tackle societal issues. It would be nice to see them actually deal with them once in a while. I recently started following Funke Akindele on twitter I really like this funny actress. As I was going through her pictures, I was shocked at what i found in her collection. A full on kiss with a boy not more than 6years of age! What was she thinking? what kind of role models do we have in Nigeria?

When is the right time to start looking at a girl sexually? I have heard of instances when men look at a 10 year old even 9 year old girl with lust in their eyes and it is annoying to see. I did a survey and 13 respondents completed it and 69.2% of them were touched inappropriately as a kid. that’s 9 out of 13. that is just a statistic enough to bring tears to one’s eyes. Imagine it happening to your kid? No one wants to imagine it but as long as it remains a crime that is not being punished, it will continue to happen. I would like to see us come together, do our best in trying to stamp it out.

I want to believe i am not the only one thinking this is wrong. I really hope I have men who read my blog. if you do please leave a comment. Tell me what you think about this issue. Do you think its child abuse or do you think it’s nothing to worry about? Thank you for taking your time to read this. I will in shaa Allah try to post a new topic within a month.
Curled from :www.bonnetcap.wordpress.com

WHAT IS IN A NAME?

 

My name never appealed to me. I felt it was not fancy enough. I had friends and classmates in primary and secondary school who bore names like Linda, Sandra, Sharon, Jessica, Precious, Yvonne, Obiageli, Obianuju, Chetechi, Chidera, Odera, Nkoli, Nkem etc. I felt these names sounded more Sophisticated and Classy so I felt left out. During my confirmation, I chose the name Margaret because I liked the way it sounded but I regretted because my friends made jest of me calling me Maggi in the Nigerian way. My elder sister had an awesome English name “Ursula” but none of the remaining five children were that lucky; we all had Igbo names as our first and second names. Unfortunately, my home was not where you could bring your “foreign ideas” and share without getting a nice whip and being one really scared of pain, I decided to bury my frustration.

Circumstances changed my thinking when I had experiences that made me realize that my parents put a lot of thoughts in naming me. During my courtship, I watched this interesting movie “Out of bounds” about a Pastor who got tempted by a church member’s seductive daughter. The Pastor was RMD and the seductress was Bimbo Akintola who bore Adetutualias Tustsy honey Adigwe. I fell in love with the name Adetutu ;Tutsy for short and decided to call my first daughter Tutsy. My daughter’s pregnancy and delivery was a wonder. It was the first time I comprehended the awesomeness of God.We called her Ebubechi – Glory of God, Oluwapelumi – God with us and Miracle. Tutsy had disappeared from my subconscious. This is just a tip of the iceberg.

My second child/daughter was born after much pain and sorrow. She is a testimony. My husband called her Oreoluwa – Friend of God, I love the name because of its uniqueness. But I threw all forms of classiness and sophistication out of the door when I called her Ogechi and Blessing. Events had overridden my thinking. I could not thank God enough for her after all we had been through. It was then I realized why my parents called me Ogechikanma (Ogechi for short) – God’s time is the best. My mother weathered a similar storm like I did and concluded that He makes all things beautiful in His time. I called my daughter the name I despised without realizing that there is more to a name.

With these two experiences, I named my children according to the way and manner God brought them into my life. My third daughter is called Temiloluwa – My own is God’s own and Chizaram – God answered me (She gave us a tough time but eventually we were triumphant). The fourth, Toluwanimofe- Its God’s own I want and Onyinyechi – Gift of God (she was born a day to my birthday and is the only child with my complexion). Now my son’s conception and birth was a different ball game. When I found out I was pregnant, I was not that excited because I was scared I would have another girl and you know how our society looks upon women with so many girls and no son. But as promised by God he came forth. His father called him Oluwasore – God has done well. I on the other hand called him Chihurumnanya – God loves me and Samuel – Asked of the Lord. I know the name is a mouth full (it could not fit into his birth certificate) but had then truly God did love me. Names like Denzel, Tyrese, Bradley, Logan, Justin, Tyler, Drake, Chase etc are considered hot and sexy to have butI chose to call him after a prophet who loved God.

What is in a name? There is a great deal in a name. A name speaks volumes to your life.  I have educated my children about the circumstances of their birth and the reason they have such lovely names. They have embraced the namesand have owned them. Let’s be careful what we call our children. When I call out my daughter’s name “Temiloluwa” I am actually saying to my environment “My own is God’s own”. Let us return to the sensitivity of naming children. Find out the meanings of your names the circumstances that warranted them, and then extend it to your children. Give them our native names (the ones that exalt God), teach them the meanings and encourage them to answer them with pride and dignity. My name is OGECHI and I am proud of my name!

 

-ogechi Alabi