SHE MADE ME SEE BEYOND...the genotype

Can we meet you?

I am a 30yr old graduate of marketing from Lagos State Polytechnic (LASPOTECH), A married woman that currently works for herself,l love meeting people reading and writing.I ve a passion for interior designs and the name is MARYAM

When did you first understand the magnitude of the condition you have?

Ans: I had always known i was different like my elder brother but the magnitude of my condition hit me when i became an adolecent,my peer were growing but i remained a flat chested tiny girl with big tummy , then I started learning more about who and what i really am.

How did you take it?

Ans: Not too good at first i must say,because i felt I was d cause of every joke plus not being able to do all what my friends could do without consequences. coming to terms with who i am really took great amount of research and understanding from that point on it has not been too bad.

Did you feel  very different amongst your siblings and friends? If yes, how so?

Ans: fortunately or unfortunately for me I had an elder brother with same condition so it was not much of an issue with siblings but with friends must times i feel different because majority don't understand why i can not do all they do or why i am on drugs must times or even hospitalised.

Did this condition affect your academics in anyway?

Ans: yes it did, but for me it was more psychological than physical. I had a stress induced crisis during my exams in sch at a point (it was one of the worse crisis even) i notice unconsiously that i don't take studying as serious as i use to studying(stress) became like a phobia.

Did you at any point blame your parents, whether consciously or unconsciously?

Ans: hmmmmm. I might have at the peak of one or two crisis but I when I see the pain in there eyes when they see me in pain all such thoughts disapper from my mind.

So far, what was the critical period for you when you wondered if you would survive? That is,  your worst crisis ever. And how old were you at this point?

Ans: Age 28, a crisis like i never had before when i saw fear in the eyes of my doctor then i thought all hope was lost because I never seen him in that state ever before. 

Growing up, did people look at you funny knowing your condition?

Ans: its became normal as i always get the pity look as if i am a dead man walking.

Did you have to deal with discrimination amongst your peers? How did you overcome that?

Ans: sure i was been discriminated amongst my peer cause as human beings i believe we are usually scared of what we don't understand as such discrimination occurs but for me i made up for it in other ways. yes i could not be who they are but i ensured i made myself into an indispensable person to them.

What makes it so easy for you to talk about it?

Ans: living with my condition can only get easier if people are enlighten about this condition,by talking about it i get to change people's misconceptions about the condition.

Do you think if two people of genotype AS love each other so much, they should go ahead and get married in spite of the risks?

Ans: in my opinion and that of a realistic person my ans is a big NO, cos i have come to realise it takes more than love for a family to survive with sickle cell patients when the realist of the situation heats them i am so sure they will not remember when they use to love each other, except they are heartless.

What can you say to encourage little children who has sickle cell?

Living with sickle cell should not be a stombling block but rather it should be a stepping stone. Yes we are restricted in the things we can do but even at dt we can be the best of what ever we set our minds to because we are special.

YOUR SPOUSE....and their friends of the opposite sex.

Before we got married, we had friends…even of the opposite sex.  What happens to those friends of the opposite sex after we get married? Do we tell our spouse about them ALL? Is this important? Will there be consequences if we don’t mention them all?

I recently got talking with a friend (opposite sex) of mine and we had this conversation. He wanted to know how it affects a female if she finds out about female friends of her spouse she did not know about and he wondered if every guy thought it was compulsory for them to know of all their spouse’s male friends. Ok, I truly do not know because I happen to have loads of acquaintances….maybe not necessarily friends, who are guys and my spouse do not know of. This is not because I kept it a secret but we just have not gisted to that side. The ones he knows about was not because I felt I MUST inform him but we have gisted to that side. I do not feel the need to know of all his female friends either.

My usual style, I took a survey for this. More people thought it was not compulsory to know of their spouse’s friends of the opposite sex. More of these people, actually have friends of the opposite sex who their spouse do not know about. What weird me out and actually cracked me up was that we have more females who, even though have male friends their spouse do not know of, believing the HAVE to know of all their spouse’s female friends! Loool. My breed though! I just love us. Only one guy held this view.

Do you suddenly hear an alarm in your head whenever you discover an opposite sex friend of your spouse? Is there a reason you would want to know of all of them? I would love to read from you. Do share your views with other readers. 

MY NEIGHBOUR...A true story.

Who is your neighbour? 'A person living next door to or very near to the speaker or person referred to'. My friend gave me a 'gist' recently of how he got into a fight with his wife. Ehn, so this is not unusual. However, the trigger of the fight got me thinking.
His wife had travelled out of town for a few days.Upon her return, her neighbour (whois a pastor) hailed her and said, ' Welcome, i think say you and Oga na in travel o. Because Oga sef no dey for like three days. i never see this gate open make e enter for days now'. Ofcourse 'Oga' did not travel but apparently was away from home (without the knowledge of his wife) for a few days as well. Now wife, as expected is very disappointed and angry. A fight ensued and she accused her husband of infidelity, saying this is what he probably does whenever she was away.
The husband claimed that he passed the night at a friend's place around the office as the distance between where he lives and where he works is quite a journey. Anyway, i found this kind of funny and interesting and a bit confusing at the same time...the neighbour's involvement that is. Was the neighbour being sincerely concerned (being observant of who goes in and out of houses in his neighbourhood)? Was he being nosy? Or he just was being 'the christian' trying to prevent any room for infidelity? My neighbour's marriage is about 10 years.
As a man, how would you react to this situation? Ok, what if the circumstances were reversed (your neighbour 'hailing' you that your wife has been away also in your absence), would you react the same way sincerely? As a woman, would you encourage the neighbour? Especially since that may be your source of keeping tabs in your absence. As a neighbour, would you do the same, not necessarily out of being nosy?
I am just curious especially as this brings to mind another female friend of mine whose husband checks on (when he is away) by calling neighbours and asking if she is home. 
P.S: My friend is yet to resolve this issue with his wife. He wants her to speak to the younger friend of his whose place he (claimed) to have passed  the nights he was  away from home.