Mitchelle is a strong woman, a single mother of one, a survivor. One of the few who
was bold and courageous enough to get out of an abusive marriage. I am so
impressed so here is my chat with her.
Phaozee: When was the first time you were hit by a man? Like
physical abuse.
Mitch: Wow that was a long time ago back in school then,
around 2001.
Phaozee: What was your relationship with him?
Mitch: He was my boyfriend.
Phaozee: After that was there someone else who did that to
you? If yes, what was your relationship to him?
Mitch: Oh yes, and that was my ex husband.
Phaozee: The first time you were hit, what was your
immediate reaction?
Mitch: I was defensive but I couldn't do much cos I was
pregnant.
Phaozee: Did you eventually confide in anyone? If yes, did
you let your partner know you told someone? If yes did that help?
Mitch: Nope, I didn't confide in anyone. I thought I could
avenge myself by doing something 'western' , you won't believe what I did ,let
me tell u, after beating me, he left the house and took my phones away because
he wanted to delete the numbers I got from his phone and he also didn't want to
contact anyone, so in my angry state, I opened the wines in the house, brought
out all his clothes and undies and soaked them in the wine as much as I
could...lols cant believe I did that though...and that was where he got my
sympathy, I started blaming myself for overreacting , I started giving excuse
for him for the act every time it occurred.
Phaozee: Did he often apologise afters?
Mitch: Nope ,he never apologises.
Phaozee: What usually triggers this beatings or fights?
Sight three instances.
Mitch: My experience is a strange one because trivial things
triggers him for instance, we went out together, got drunk, got home and
couldn't take the baby in beause my legs were shaky, didn't want the baby to
fall, instead of him to just help take the baby in, he hit me so hard that my
face was swollen, and started cursing me and left the baby and I in the living
room. Another one , during a civil discussion , I gave an opinion and he just
flared up and that was it...and the last one which ended the marriage , give me
the money you owed my sis because she's travelling, infact the beating that
morning, I didn't recover for months.
Phaozee: What ways have you tried in the past to prevent
such from happening and how did you protect yourself? Run? Hide? Fight back? Or
you just stand and face it?
Mitch: I stood back one day and brought out a knife that if
he ever comes near I will stab him, he left the house that day, I once locked myself
up in the room, but it got to a stage I just beg him for anything wrong or
right just to prevent any noise or fight.
Phaozee: How did you perceive him overtime? Were you scared
of him, did you see him as a bully? A coward , a controller? How? I mean at
that time and not now that you know better.
Mitch: I see him as a
coward irresponsible man trying to force respect instead of earning it .
Phaozee: Do you think a wife
or woman beater can ever change?
Mitch: They can never
change, I heard the lady whom he 'married' afterwards was also a victim but
she's a rich girl and she got him arrested, I think that was d end of the
relationship too.
Phaozee: What was your wake
up call? What gave you the courage to ‘run’?
Mitch: My parents....my mom
especially.
Phaozee: What are the signs
you look out for in a man that are easy tell-tale that he is a likely woman
abuser?
Mitch: Lot of things
actually, education, exposure, temperament ,etc
Phaozee: How did all of this
affect your person?
Mitch: I almost lost my
feminine ego, because then I felt I'm not free to talk to a man anyhow, I
thought low of myself because to make matters worse, I was a student, no money.
Phaozee: How did you recover
and move on and see yourself as a better person? What ways did you device?
Mitch: I took solace in my
future, so I invested my time into building myself and hence I regained my ego.
My advice: a woman shouldn't be too naive , no reason is enough to abuse a woman physically, don't loose yourself ,the moment you start defending him and blaming yourself, you have lost it and above all, don’t seek for happiness in a man, take time to build yourself, make yourself the right woman every man prays for, wherever your heart goes, take your head along...
My advice: a woman shouldn't be too naive , no reason is enough to abuse a woman physically, don't loose yourself ,the moment you start defending him and blaming yourself, you have lost it and above all, don’t seek for happiness in a man, take time to build yourself, make yourself the right woman every man prays for, wherever your heart goes, take your head along...