RUN YOUR OWN SHOW- even from the grave

Next of kin is usually a person’s closest living blood relative. It is usually the person you have requested to be called or notified in the event of an emergency or your death. This is the person who, in the absence of a living will, you have chosen to make decision over your properties when you are gone.

I actually did not place much importance to this until two of my friends recently lost their husbands. Very sad indeed. The first thought that came to me was, ‘how will she cope? With two kids. Ok thank God her husband was financially ok and they should be fine.’ Of course I simply assumed naturally that they would be next of kins to their husbands.  However, few days ago, i got talking with some friends and found out about a young widow who, even though has been going back and forth signing documents in the late husband’s office, is actually not the next of kin to him in the office. From a very confirmed source, my friend heard that she was not the one who was going to get whatever was coming to the late husband from the company-quite a huge amount too. Even though I do not know this lady, I felt very close to tears. Why? Because she would wonder why her husband doubted her. Yes. If that is not distrust then what is it? She has kids for him too.

So i decided to just find out from a few married people who their next of kin are. Most men said their wives but said they would change it to their kids once they are of age. Most women said they used their kids but usually use their husband’s names in the case of who to call at the point of emergencies. When asked why their kids, they said because they needed to make sure that when they are gone, the kids will be fine as they KNOW their husbands would get married and may easily be otherwise influenced by another woman. However, those who has their spouses as their next of kin said it was because they trust them to take care of the children if something were to happen to them. The one i found most amusing were the ladies that said they used their husbands as next of kin only because they confirmed first that they also next of kins to their husbands. Haahaa.

Most people never want to think of death but the truth is, we all will die one day and when we die, we want to know that those we left behind are not cheated. Have we thought deeply about who we have used as next of kin? Have we made the best choices? If we use our spouses, are we very sure they will distribute the property justly? If we did not, have we thought about the fact that only they will be left to take care of the kids we have left behind and will need finance for that?  If we have used our kids out of selfish reason of ‘i don’t want her/him to share my property with the next person they marry’, have we considered that our kids will not have access to our property/money until they are of age? Who will provide for them in the mean time? Maybe i am being unreasonably sentimental but i sincerely just think that our spouses should be our next of kin for as long as our kids are still minors or even yet to be born. This is because even if something were to happen to both husband and wife at the same time, the kids automatically get the position of next of kin. Except of course where they are too young and there are very greedy and selfish relatives.

I think in all of this, we can safely say that to avoid having the fear of unknown, apart from having next of kin, we should also have a will drawn by a lawyer. At least that way, we can prevent greedy relatives from controlling things when we are gone.