One score, one decade and five years! Wow! 10years ago, I would
expect to feel really old at 35. Am I weird to still feel exactly the way I felt
when I was 25? I remember telling my sister some years ago that I do not feel
any different from when I was 21. She said to wait till I was 30 and I would
definitely feel it. Ok, here I am still waiting. I hope I have not ceased to
grow mentally as that would be really horrifying.
Seriously now, for the past few days I have been wondering
and pondering over this new age thing. 35. Yes. 35. The figure sounds like a lot. I keep asking myself if I am a
better person than I was ten years ago or if I was a better person back then. Many
people will say being a better person is relative. I agree. Here I am meaning
to say in the way I affect those around me weather directly or indirectly. In the
last one year, I have had atleast 7 people accuse me that I no longer check on
them like I used to. That makes me start to wonder if I am growing to be more
selfish and less selfless. I would really hate that but if that is it then I am
obliviously not aware of this. The recent survey I did that was supposed to
help me know and see myself from other people’s ‘eyes’ did not really show what
I really wanted to see. Hmm. Or maybe that is really how these people see me. I
was hoping to read some really nasty stuff about me from people considering it
was anonymous and there was no way I would know who wrote what. Who am I kidding?
I was able to guess a few like the ones written by two or three of my close friends.
Haahaa. Yea I kind of know your choice of words.
There were four questions in the survey one
of which is actually my point of interest. WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE ABOUT PHAOZEE?
It is not such a bad thing that there was actually one
person who disliked EVERYTHING about Phaozee. *sigh*. Imperfection is simply originality. Seems I sometime
sound rude and cocky which does not go down well with some people. Ok this side
of me I did not know. All in all, the silver lining though, nah this is actually
a rainbow because it is from the majority (hehhee) is that if I die tomorrow, I
know I am on the average a likeable person. In a chat I had with one of my closest friend a few
days back, I said, ‘ I am thinking, if I have affected people positively or
negatively in the last 5 years. It is hard you know? We pray for long life but
if one were to die now, the words of people will go a long way in the kind of
memory we leave behind. I will say I have not been completely pleased with
myself in the last two years.’
And then she asked me, ‘ and why is that?’ she got no response
to this question. In trying to adapt to life changes resulting from unexpected occurences in our lives, we sometimes make selfish decisions which may not always be the best.
For those who have crossed my part so far in my entire
35years, I hope I have in someway influenced you positively , or been a source
of blessing to you. And if not then I hope at some point that will happen, even
if remotely.
