BIRTHDAY POST: 35....SUDDENLY SOUNDS LIKE A LOT

One score, one decade and five years! Wow! 10years ago, I would expect to feel really old at 35. Am I weird to still feel exactly the way I felt when I was 25? I remember telling my sister some years ago that I do not feel any different from when I was 21. She said to wait till I was 30 and I would definitely feel it. Ok, here I am still waiting. I hope I have not ceased  to grow mentally as that would be really horrifying.

Seriously now, for the past few days I have been wondering and pondering over this new age thing. 35. Yes. 35. The figure sounds  like a lot. I keep asking myself if I am a better person than I was ten years ago or if I was a better person back then. Many people will say being a better person is relative. I agree. Here I am meaning to say in the way I affect those around me weather directly or indirectly. In the last one year, I have had atleast 7 people accuse me that I no longer check on them like I used to. That makes me start to wonder if I am growing to be more selfish and less selfless. I would really hate that but if that is it then I am obliviously not aware of this. The recent survey I did that was supposed to help me know and see myself from other people’s ‘eyes’ did not really show what I really wanted to see. Hmm. Or maybe that is really how these people see me. I was hoping to read some really nasty stuff about me from people considering it was anonymous and there was no way I would know who wrote what. Who am I kidding? I was able to guess a few like the ones written by two or three of my close friends. Haahaa. Yea I kind of know your choice of words. 

There were four questions in the survey one of which is actually my point of interest. WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE ABOUT PHAOZEE?

It is not such a bad thing that there was actually one person who disliked EVERYTHING about Phaozee. *sigh*.  Imperfection is simply originality. Seems I sometime sound rude and cocky which does not go down well with some people. Ok this side of me I did not know. All in all, the silver lining though, nah this is actually a rainbow because it is from the majority (hehhee) is that if I die tomorrow, I know I am on the average a likeable person. In a chat  I had with one of my closest friend a few days back, I said, ‘ I am thinking, if I have affected people positively or negatively in the last 5 years. It is hard you know? We pray for long life but if one were to die now, the words of people will go a long way in the kind of memory we leave behind. I will say I have not been completely pleased with myself in the last two years.’

And then she asked me, ‘ and why is that?’ she got no response to this question.  In trying to adapt to life changes resulting from unexpected occurences in our lives, we sometimes make selfish decisions which may not always be the best.

For those who have crossed my part so far in my entire 35years, I hope I have in someway influenced you positively , or been a source of blessing to you. And if not then I hope at some point that will happen, even if remotely.