Sex and Religion

Sex is a very important part of marriage, it could help in making or breaking it. And as religious people we are a little bit confused on our limitations as perceived by God. We don’t wanna fall into sin trying to please our spouses and also we don’t want to lose our spouses while trying to please God and do His will according to what we read in the Holy Books.
So I sought after two of my lovely friends to help out, one a Muslim and the second a Christian.
Bola Adeniyi-Oreagba, a devout Muslim and also a Blogger ( www.phaozee-mythoughts.blogspot.com ) will be handling it from the Islamic angle. While Bukola Precious Aduwo a born again christian and a Journalist will be handling it from the Christian angle.

Sex and Religion as written by Bukola Aduwo (Mrs)
It is with great pleasure that I put this piece together that centres on sex and religion.
Unfortunately such a topic is usually ignored or sidelined in churches because some sets of people believe it is sinful and will rather focus more on issues considered to be more spiritual.
But wait a minute, what can be more spiritual than sex especially in the confines of marriage?
It is established in the Bible that pre-marital sex is sin(Heb.13:4)but it is sad to know that some wives still feel ‘guilty’ after having sex with their husbands (Holy Matrimony). Matt. 19:5.
Sex in marriage is a wonderful gift that must be enjoyed so fill your mind with basic knowledge and insights that will enhance your sex life.  Song of Solomon,  1 Cor . 7:1-7 Infact it is shocking to know that most Christians believe that the only reason for sex is reproduction.  I need to state here categorically that husband and wife should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short period or season maybe during fasting.  1Cor.7:5.
Ladies whenever your husband beacons on you for sex, I beg you in the name of God not to hesitate to heed the call because if you must know, sex is like food for a man! Men as we know wake up in the mornings with an erection, that’s how their bodies have been programmed, so they can have sex every day of their lives without complaining.
Most ladies are in the habit of giving excuses whenever it is time to perform their ‘bedmatic’ responsibility. Remember the story of Queen Vasti in the book of Esther. The king(husband)  called her (for whatever reason) but she refused to answer the call. At the end of the day, Esther took her place, I pray we shall not lose our space and place in Jesus name. When it’s time to service your man, please do! Men love a Godly and God fearing woman, but they also want you to be slutty for them in the confines of your room. Sex in marriage is called “Holy Matrimony” and what ever is done there between both of you is acceptable to God as long as you don’t involve a 3rd party.
Tips on sex in marriage for the woman.
1. Keep yourself beautiful. Some women were meticulous about how they look when they were single  but relaxed after marriage.  Always remember that men are moved by what they see. That’s the way they are wired by God! Always look beautiful
2. Be a whore to your husband. Learn new bed styles, upgrade yourself, explore and most importantly always be on top of your game. Be creative – your husband must not be bored sexually.
3. Make your marriage your number one priority.
4. Demand for sex occasionally. It turns men on and makes them perform better.
5. Lastly devote ample time to pray for your man’s sexuality.
I sincerely pray that we shall not fall in our sexual responsibility towards our husbands. Amen.

Sex and Religion from the Islamic point of view as written by Fauzziyah Bola Oreagba (Mrs)

Sex has always been a difficult topic to talk about publicly among the Muslims. It is one topic that is always shoved aside and not dealt with in an honest manner. Muslim children go out in the world where sex is a commodity, everyone is engaging in sex and talking about sex but then they come back to their Muslim communities only to find that their elders are unwilling to engage the topic in a manner both relevant and ethical. Of course they grow into adults that have a wrong opinion and misunderstanding of sex.
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “There is no shyness in matters of religion.” Married couples always ask questions about what is permissible on this subject matter. We hope that this write up will be able to do justice to that. Couples should be sensitive to each other’s needs and limitations. Even a ‘virtuous’ excuse like deep involvement in worship is not accepted if the man forgets or ignores his wife’s rights. In such a case it is the woman’s right to protest. History reports the woman who went to Umar ibn al Khat tab (second caliph) consulting him: My husband fasts by day and prays all night. and I feel embarassed to complain seeing that he spends his time worshipping God. The man was summoned for a hearing. The final verdict was to have three nights for his own worship and to heed the needs of his wife during the rest of the week. Umar also asked his daughter Hafsa how long a woman should stand being away from her husband, Upon which he decreed that fighting troops should be given leave to come back home every six months.
Islam encourages that all phases of sexual responses should be in synch to avoid sexual disharmony. In most cases, sexual disharmony is due to the man getting his orgasm when the woman is still eagerly waiting with inflamed desire to reach her own orgasm. The conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. To guide against this, the Prophet of Islam has stressed the importance of intense fore play. He made a statement where he politely refered to fore play as ‘messenger’. He said, ‘”Let-not the one of you fall upon his wife like a beast (camel) falls.  It is more appropriate to set a messenger afore the act”
Now speaking on how far we are allowed to go in satisfying our sexual desires and/or the limits (if any) to fore play and sexual acts in Islam, Most Islamic scholars agree , that all acts that aim at satisfying and pleasing the spouses are allowable so long as two things are avoided, that is anal sex and having sex with a wife while she is still in her menstruation. Khuzaymah bin thabit (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said, ‘indeed, Allah is not bashful of the truth. Do not have intercourse with women in their rectum.’ (Recorded by An Nasai). Quran 2: 222 says, ‘They ask you concerning (intercourse during) menstruation. Say, it is harmful (to both partners), so keep away from women during menses.’ Note that it is permissible to be with and touch your wife and play with her even in her menses as long as she keeps covered her lower torso (her waist down). During Ramadan sex should be avoided “Only” when you are fasting, once you break your fast, please don’t deny your wife or husband his or her marital rights to you sexually
Another sexual act usually in contest of whether it is permissible or not is the oral sex. Dr. Heba Kotb, a Sunni female scholar[citation needed] who gives sex advice on Egyptian TV, said that oral sex is allowed “since there is no religious text banning it”. She considers oral sex as a part of foreplay on this ground that Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay”. However, following the principles of Islamic Jurisprudence, the scholars have come up with the following ruling for this issue of oral sex.
It can be considered as part of foreplay but Allah knows best as there was no discussion at the time of the Prophet SAW about this issue.
Something cannot be declared prohibited if there is no clear proof in the Quran and in the Books of Sunna (hadith).
It is disliked by the scholars because it is the practice of the disbelievers.
Oral sex should not replace normal sexual intercourse and should only be a form of foreplay if practiced.
No swallowing of semen or ejaculation is allowed. Precum and vagina liquid are also impure and should not be in contact with the mouth.
Should not be done excessively as it causes harm to the mouth or other parts of the body and therefore should be avoided.
In conclusion, there is great flexibility in terms of how you both can satisfy each other and that could potentially involve engaging in oral sex. All of this depends on your personal preferences. Be creative, stay within the limits established by Islam, talk to each other and be open in sharing your feelings with each other about what is satisfying and what is not.
It should be noted that one of the main objectives of Shari`ah is to safeguard the life of people and keep them healthy. Based on this, if it is scientifically proven that oral sex or such practices cause mouth cancer or form a danger on the health of a person who practices it, then it becomes totally prohibited.

In the long run, please let us realize that our religion holds marital sex in high esteem, it is the will of God, please wives, most especially, deny not your husbands their marital right to you. Its the best food you can give to him. Let him have a feast always. You can also drop your questions and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

culled from http://myorgasma.co 

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

As salam aleikum brothers & sisters

I’m sorry for my long silence and absence but i guess it isn’t a real surprise seeing as i am only a pretend writer but I’m sure with persistence and perseverance, i will get better.
i have decided to talk about something that as Nigerians we all know happens but for some reason or another it never gets addressed. We all know it’s wrong, we all know it exists but we don’t like to talk about it let alone tackle the issue. I’m talking about child sexual abuse.
I recently saw a post on my alumnae page on facebook asking if we remember such and such teachers. Sweet memories came to mind as I was reading through the names then I saw a male teacher’s name and I remember rumours about his (and some other male teachers) secret relations with some of the girls at school. At the time I didn’t think it was wrong on the teacher’s part but I thought the girls were slutty but looking back now, I can’t help but feel upset by the fact that those teachers were in a position of trust and yet they did not flinch at all before they were taking advantage of the young girls. I don’t think they realised it was child abuse. Maybe they still do it now. I certainly know a few older men still do it and think it is ok for them to be with a girl who is under the age of consent. (Do Nigerians even know about age of consent?) I’m sure if the girls knew then what they know now they probably would not let it happen. Parents send their kids to school in the hope that the teachers will look out for them not take advantage of them. Like I said, they were rumours so I cannot confidently say they happened. But I know for a fact that it has happened outside of school to some kids without realising what they were doing is wrong on all levels. Some of these parents may I say do not hesitate before they sexually abuse a child elsewhere. Some even abuse their own children now that is one sick parent.

I have heard and read about men committing this heinous crimes but I don’t remember hearing or reading about a woman committing child sexual abuse. Is it because Nigerian women are more God fearing than the men? Or is it the maternal instinct in them that does not allow them to think of carrying out such crime or am I just unaware that they do it too? Do the men not realise what they are doing is bad or do they just choose to ignore their conscience? I have lots of question about it but I don’t think I will get an answer to it anytime soon.

Even when nollywood make films about it, they don’t really address it. Nigeria movie industry do tackle societal issues. It would be nice to see them actually deal with them once in a while. I recently started following Funke Akindele on twitter I really like this funny actress. As I was going through her pictures, I was shocked at what i found in her collection. A full on kiss with a boy not more than 6years of age! What was she thinking? what kind of role models do we have in Nigeria?

When is the right time to start looking at a girl sexually? I have heard of instances when men look at a 10 year old even 9 year old girl with lust in their eyes and it is annoying to see. I did a survey and 13 respondents completed it and 69.2% of them were touched inappropriately as a kid. that’s 9 out of 13. that is just a statistic enough to bring tears to one’s eyes. Imagine it happening to your kid? No one wants to imagine it but as long as it remains a crime that is not being punished, it will continue to happen. I would like to see us come together, do our best in trying to stamp it out.

I want to believe i am not the only one thinking this is wrong. I really hope I have men who read my blog. if you do please leave a comment. Tell me what you think about this issue. Do you think its child abuse or do you think it’s nothing to worry about? Thank you for taking your time to read this. I will in shaa Allah try to post a new topic within a month.
Curled from :www.bonnetcap.wordpress.com

WHAT IS IN A NAME?

 

My name never appealed to me. I felt it was not fancy enough. I had friends and classmates in primary and secondary school who bore names like Linda, Sandra, Sharon, Jessica, Precious, Yvonne, Obiageli, Obianuju, Chetechi, Chidera, Odera, Nkoli, Nkem etc. I felt these names sounded more Sophisticated and Classy so I felt left out. During my confirmation, I chose the name Margaret because I liked the way it sounded but I regretted because my friends made jest of me calling me Maggi in the Nigerian way. My elder sister had an awesome English name “Ursula” but none of the remaining five children were that lucky; we all had Igbo names as our first and second names. Unfortunately, my home was not where you could bring your “foreign ideas” and share without getting a nice whip and being one really scared of pain, I decided to bury my frustration.

Circumstances changed my thinking when I had experiences that made me realize that my parents put a lot of thoughts in naming me. During my courtship, I watched this interesting movie “Out of bounds” about a Pastor who got tempted by a church member’s seductive daughter. The Pastor was RMD and the seductress was Bimbo Akintola who bore Adetutualias Tustsy honey Adigwe. I fell in love with the name Adetutu ;Tutsy for short and decided to call my first daughter Tutsy. My daughter’s pregnancy and delivery was a wonder. It was the first time I comprehended the awesomeness of God.We called her Ebubechi – Glory of God, Oluwapelumi – God with us and Miracle. Tutsy had disappeared from my subconscious. This is just a tip of the iceberg.

My second child/daughter was born after much pain and sorrow. She is a testimony. My husband called her Oreoluwa – Friend of God, I love the name because of its uniqueness. But I threw all forms of classiness and sophistication out of the door when I called her Ogechi and Blessing. Events had overridden my thinking. I could not thank God enough for her after all we had been through. It was then I realized why my parents called me Ogechikanma (Ogechi for short) – God’s time is the best. My mother weathered a similar storm like I did and concluded that He makes all things beautiful in His time. I called my daughter the name I despised without realizing that there is more to a name.

With these two experiences, I named my children according to the way and manner God brought them into my life. My third daughter is called Temiloluwa – My own is God’s own and Chizaram – God answered me (She gave us a tough time but eventually we were triumphant). The fourth, Toluwanimofe- Its God’s own I want and Onyinyechi – Gift of God (she was born a day to my birthday and is the only child with my complexion). Now my son’s conception and birth was a different ball game. When I found out I was pregnant, I was not that excited because I was scared I would have another girl and you know how our society looks upon women with so many girls and no son. But as promised by God he came forth. His father called him Oluwasore – God has done well. I on the other hand called him Chihurumnanya – God loves me and Samuel – Asked of the Lord. I know the name is a mouth full (it could not fit into his birth certificate) but had then truly God did love me. Names like Denzel, Tyrese, Bradley, Logan, Justin, Tyler, Drake, Chase etc are considered hot and sexy to have butI chose to call him after a prophet who loved God.

What is in a name? There is a great deal in a name. A name speaks volumes to your life.  I have educated my children about the circumstances of their birth and the reason they have such lovely names. They have embraced the namesand have owned them. Let’s be careful what we call our children. When I call out my daughter’s name “Temiloluwa” I am actually saying to my environment “My own is God’s own”. Let us return to the sensitivity of naming children. Find out the meanings of your names the circumstances that warranted them, and then extend it to your children. Give them our native names (the ones that exalt God), teach them the meanings and encourage them to answer them with pride and dignity. My name is OGECHI and I am proud of my name!

 

-ogechi Alabi

CHILD(REN)

I have been thinking a lot about this for a while so I think it is time that I put it down in writing.
Why do people want to raise only children who are their flesh and blood? I don’t fully understand it. You get pregnant, your hormones starts playing up, you start having mood swings, vomiting, unable to stand familiar smells and you start looking and feeling very heavy. Some not so lucky mums even end up with post natal depression.
I understand and appreciate that at the end of it there is a bundle of joy to take home with you but whatever is wrong with adopting? In my opinion, men are so set and rigid about this, they wont even consider having a child in their home who is not theirs. There are so many kids out there; orphans, abandoned at birth – praying day in day out for a loving family to come and take them home and make them part of a family and feel the love that comes with being part of something good.
Why can couples who want more than 2 kids not adopt after their 2nd natural child? Think of the reward from the almighty because every good deed we do is rewarded, the joy you will be bringing to an abandoned child’s life and the help you are giving to society not to mention the fact that carrying a pregnancy to full term and taking a baby home after delivery or even yourself home in Nigeria is becoming hard for Nigerian doctors. I cant begin to count how many families in Lagos alone that I know of that has lost a mum and wife due to the incompetence of doctors.
Couples who are struggling to have children of their own, this could be something that you can consider, being stressed about not getting pregnant every passing month may not be helping your situation as it has been proven by some medical studies and researches but if you do this act of kindness and start being too busy that you don’t have time to be thinking of not being pregnant, you just may end up being pregnant. Things like that usually happen when you are too busy to think about it.
I do hope i have men readers so I implore you all to please go home, think about it and maybe take the leap of faith and do it. God will help and reward you for it. If you have any thoughts about this write up, don’t just sit there and say it to yourself, drop me a line, I like to know what you think of it. Maybe you think it’s a mad idea or a stupid one or a good one. I hope you find it thought provoking enough to also recommend this page to a friend.

curled from: http://bonnetcap.wordpress.com/