I AM YOUR DAUGHTER.....you are my dad.

My daddy, Engr Ademola Adeniyi. I just love you so much. I have vivid memory of seemingly irrelevant growing up moments with you daddy. I remember when I was in kindergarten (that school with red and white checkered dress lol) and I would get back from school, we ( you and i) would stand in a straight line in front of the television and match on the spot singing: we are H A P P Y, we know we are, we are sure we are, we are H A P P Y, happy!. Ok this must have been days you were either off duty or on night shift cos I am not sure how come you were at home when I got back from school. I recall too sometimes late at night, the very rare times when there is power failure in NEPA estate, you would carry me to sit on your shoulder, each leg dangling on both sides. Hmmm. And you would walk with my elder sister in stride to that expanse of space towards the 1st gate. We would laugh through and when we got there, we always delighted at the echo of our voices that seemed to come through from the trees across the fence. I remember when you want to wake me up from a short nap, either to get up for school (after the main waking up, lol) or in the evening when I dosed off on one of the sofas, you would sing this song:’ are you sleeping (2ce), Adebola. Morning bells are ringing, ding dong bell’’. Whenever I slept off in the parlor instead of going to the room, you would also carry me while holding one hand and one leg. Haahaa. I wonder if you did it for me to enjoy the ‘ride’ but it was always fun even though I pretended to be fast asleep. It was you who told us the story of the farmer who had a little dog named bingo. Yes I remember that. There were nights I would wake up and come knocking on your room door. I must have been between 4 and 6yrs at this time. ‘Daddy mofe mu ti (daddy I want to drink tea)’. You would take me to the sitting room, make a cup of cocoa drink, sometimes just water with sugar dissolved in it. lol and hand me a slice of bread. You would lift me up and sit me down on the dinning table and wait till I am done then take me back to bed. When I was much younger and would refuse to eat my rice with stew because ‘I don’t like pepper’, you would dissolve margarine in my hot rice. I recall once you even put okro soup on my rice and I ate it. I actually enjoyed it! I don’t know but whatever you served me I always believed was the best delicacy. Hahhaa. I always loved hearing when your friends would say how much I look like you. even our feet look same. The genetic flat nose cannot be missed. I would compare our fingers without you knowing and I always saw the similarity there too. You are such a wonderful daddy. You thought me to be contented with anything I had at every point in time. I remember when I was in the university and I told you that I needed a small fridge. You asked me how many of my friends had one and unfortunately non of my close friends did. So you asked again if they weren’t surviving without it. it was almost annoying because I knew you could afford one without a blink yet mummy had to persuade you before she went and got one for me. Because of your position, my friends always expected and thought I should always have a fat bank account. However, my monthly allowance was just enough to sustain me. As I grew older and wiser, I realize you were only teaching me to be prudent in spending and not live a flamboyant and extravagant life style. Anytime you wanted to call me in a sweet way, you would leave out the ‘Adebola’ and opt for Fauziyyah. I started writing very early even without knowing that was what I was doing. Heehee. I would do an on the spot essay writing in my primary and secondary school and my teachers would say things like ‘a very good on the spot work, I read your work and I felt like taking you to heaven; if I had money I would have published this work.’ Then I started seeing some of your write up. Some of your poems and I knew I got that from you as well. You are just one shinning example and with your exemplary character, sincerity and fear of Allah, you have really raised the bar high for your children. While growing up, you had zero tolerance for us missing our five daily solat. You taught me that only Allah makes anything possible. You taught me that the best route is the normal route no cutting corners. You are such a loving husband to mummy. you never crave what you cannot have. You taught me to believe in the powers of prayers. I always felt and I still feel I have this special connection with you. I love you so much daddy and I hope today is a wonderful birthday for you. I pray Allah make al janna (paradise) your final abode. Happy birthday daddy.

ACADEMIC GOWN- still prestigious?

It is amazing how many graduations, no scratch that, how many times children would have worn the academic dress/graduation gown by the time they are in their first year in the university. According to Wikipedia, Academic dress is a traditional form of clothing for academic settings, primarily tertiary (and sometimes secondary) education, worn mainly by those that have been admitted to a university degree (or similar) or hold a status that entitles them to assume them (e.g., undergraduate students at certain old universities).

Most children by the age of 5, they already wore the ‘prestigious’ gown twice! Reading it now sounds shocking? Well, that is the trend these days. Schools will have the children in Kg2 graduate to Nursery1. Then when they get to Nursery2, they wear the gown again in recognition of their graduation to Basic/primary 1. (i am getting confused already).  The third time wearing the gown is graduating from basic/primary 5/6 (do we even have 6 again?) out of the primary school to enter into the secondary school. Phew! Now, after the final class in the secondary school, there is a graduation ceremony where the gown is again worn to signify conclusion of the secondary school. Of course we already know it will be worn at the matriculation  and graduation ceremony of  tertiary institutions.

I was of the opinion that this gown is supposed to be a prestigious one to be looked forward to by students. Something like, ‘I can’t wait to make good grades so that I can also wear that prestigious graduation gown’.  You know? However, it may seem that there is no longer any big deal about this gown as even toddlers wear them. It has lost the dignity attached to it.

I spoke to a few school owners and while trying to justify this weird act of letting children who are not yet in secondary schools wear this gown, they said ‘the movement from kg to nursery is a stage migration and should be celebrated.’ Well, i am not arguing and not saying it should not be celebrated. All i am saying is why remove the dignity from the graduation gown? Could there just not be a ‘graduation’ party or end of year party or any name that it needs to be called without the gown?  One proprietor however, argued that they only do from primary 6 and that is because it is the trend and if they do not do it, parents will not be happy as other schools are doing same. It is then possible that maybe we have some proprietors who do not agree to this but only go ahead to do it to follow trend.  It is also another source to rip parents off extra cash. Common! A child is graduating from nursery to basic1 and is asked to pay as much as N20, 000. The average however is N5000. This in my opinion is also unnecessarily much.

Am I complaining because i am a parent or because it sounds absolutely silly to me. Maybe both.

RUN YOUR OWN SHOW- even from the grave

Next of kin is usually a person’s closest living blood relative. It is usually the person you have requested to be called or notified in the event of an emergency or your death. This is the person who, in the absence of a living will, you have chosen to make decision over your properties when you are gone.

I actually did not place much importance to this until two of my friends recently lost their husbands. Very sad indeed. The first thought that came to me was, ‘how will she cope? With two kids. Ok thank God her husband was financially ok and they should be fine.’ Of course I simply assumed naturally that they would be next of kins to their husbands.  However, few days ago, i got talking with some friends and found out about a young widow who, even though has been going back and forth signing documents in the late husband’s office, is actually not the next of kin to him in the office. From a very confirmed source, my friend heard that she was not the one who was going to get whatever was coming to the late husband from the company-quite a huge amount too. Even though I do not know this lady, I felt very close to tears. Why? Because she would wonder why her husband doubted her. Yes. If that is not distrust then what is it? She has kids for him too.

So i decided to just find out from a few married people who their next of kin are. Most men said their wives but said they would change it to their kids once they are of age. Most women said they used their kids but usually use their husband’s names in the case of who to call at the point of emergencies. When asked why their kids, they said because they needed to make sure that when they are gone, the kids will be fine as they KNOW their husbands would get married and may easily be otherwise influenced by another woman. However, those who has their spouses as their next of kin said it was because they trust them to take care of the children if something were to happen to them. The one i found most amusing were the ladies that said they used their husbands as next of kin only because they confirmed first that they also next of kins to their husbands. Haahaa.

Most people never want to think of death but the truth is, we all will die one day and when we die, we want to know that those we left behind are not cheated. Have we thought deeply about who we have used as next of kin? Have we made the best choices? If we use our spouses, are we very sure they will distribute the property justly? If we did not, have we thought about the fact that only they will be left to take care of the kids we have left behind and will need finance for that?  If we have used our kids out of selfish reason of ‘i don’t want her/him to share my property with the next person they marry’, have we considered that our kids will not have access to our property/money until they are of age? Who will provide for them in the mean time? Maybe i am being unreasonably sentimental but i sincerely just think that our spouses should be our next of kin for as long as our kids are still minors or even yet to be born. This is because even if something were to happen to both husband and wife at the same time, the kids automatically get the position of next of kin. Except of course where they are too young and there are very greedy and selfish relatives.

I think in all of this, we can safely say that to avoid having the fear of unknown, apart from having next of kin, we should also have a will drawn by a lawyer. At least that way, we can prevent greedy relatives from controlling things when we are gone.

IS SHE HELPING WITH MORE?

When I used to hear of men having sexual relationships with their maids or wife’s sister/cousin living with them, I used to be like, ‘that is crazy’. But when i started knowing of men or knowing people who actually know men who do such, I am now like ‘what the ....!’ i mean, it is more than crazy. It is disgusting and sad, very sad too.
Often times, neighbours are observant enough to notice even while the wife living under the same roof has not the slightest suspicion. Other than the man being absolutely shameless, i have been wondering what other factors could be responsible for such occurrence. Even with seemingly responsible men. Do we just take the easy route and blame it all on the devil? Hmm. A situation where the wife, for some reason has to leave home earlier than the husband and husband and help (maid or wife’s relative) are left alone at home, you really cannot have control over certain things. Things like what the girl chooses to wear while doing the small early morning chores. Remember it is still early and very likely she has not had a bath. Maybe it is a flimsy wrapper loosely tied round the chest or some other flimsy outfit. Of course, the man is a man and probably starts to see beyond the young girl and sees a pretty young waist moving temptingly in front of him. Young and firm boobs underneath a flimsy top, most likely braless too. Kids are too young to take note of some things. Even if, they have probably gone to school leaving oga alone with the help at home. Maybe the work place is still too far for madam to get home earlier than oga. Once again, the young girl help is the one who is home to open door and welcome oga when he gets back.
Madam gets home and is too busy to notice things around the house or to even listen to her husband’s gist of how his day went. Hmm. She forgets there is a likely substitute. A lot of people are quick to blame the wife and all, but let us be realistic, the way Lagos is wired, how easy is it for one not to have maids? And how easy is it for one to get jobs based on resident location? Sometimes, there are things that begin to happen and if it is not cautioned, may lead to this evil act kicking off which ones it starts, may not stop easily. What do i mean by this? The man may not have such intention from the start but if he encourages small unnecessary jokes between him and the young girl living with them, he may unconsciously find himself being too free with her and vice versa.
Yes, maybe a movie triggered this but truth is, these things happen. I may not be totally right but i think a few of the tell tale signs are when the help (young girl) has a sort of disrespectful attitude towards the husband. Most times it may be as mild as just pretending not to hear when oga talks to or calls her, thereby ignoring him. Another tell tale sign, could be a mild confrontational and overly confident attitude towards madam of the house from the help. Also, if the wife is observant, she might notice a few shared smile between the husband and the help when they think she is not looking. Like i said, all guesses. Maybe you responsible guys reading this want to help us with some more realistic and certain pointers one may notice if this kind of abomination is happening under one’s roof.

I WANT MY WEDDING NIGHT!

Yoruba and our traditions sha! Just heard a new one and I have to know if it was not made up by my friend. I just got off the phone with a friend. He was telling me that his newlywed brother and bride are all with them. I mean, he is at his parents’ and the newlyweds are there too!
‘It is the tradition that the first 2 (or did he say 3) nights, the newlyweds must be at the groom’s family’s house.’ I am still in shock. Full house on my wedding night? The night that should be my first official and if I am a virgin, my first amazing night sexually? That is total wet blanket in my opinion. Where ever that tradition was when I got married, I am glad it was on vacation. Try to imagine it. Couple in room, she is a virgin. He is supposed to consummate the marriage that night. She is too timid to even focus on the pleasure. It remains a painful experience forever because if you are not in a position to ‘feel’ the pleasure, you are more focused on the pain that comes with dislodging the hymen.
Next scenario, she is not a virgin but has been anticipating this night like forever. She knows how loud she can be during sex. Maybe that is the only way she expresses pleasure. Sound track things now. What happens? She is too conscious of the full house to even have fun. Maybe she would not even let the guy that night because she does not want full house hearing her. Even if, groom will be busy muffling sounds with pillow or something. No way! I think we should vote for this tradition to be re-assessed.
Maybe the first night, the couple can be allowed to pass the night in a hotel and then come back to the full house for as long as tradition desires. Even if the house is one big mansion, can all the rooms be sound proof??

WHATEVER HIS BLOOD TYPE- he obviously can't be bothered.

 My name is Dotun, 5th and 1st born of dad and mum respectively.  I’m a 28yr old registered nurse living with the sickle cell disease. When Phaozee came to me to tell her more about SCD, I smiled and wondered what there was to tell. I never saw this condition as something so big because I naturally do not see a reason to brood over things that cannot be changed.  Of course, as a child I understood my limitations and felt bad about it but I got over it eventually.

As a nurse, I care for patients as due. As someone that has the same condition, I see it as a phase and I'm like "you'll get over it soon". Pain is described as what the patient says it is and so it should be treated as such. Rehydration, rest, and medications are some of the lines of management.

As a kid, playing football and engaging in some other activities with friends was fun but I discovered others could go out to repeat the same activities the next day while I remained on the bed for days rolling in pain.  I knew there was a difference between me and other kid.  Mum made me feel different amongst siblings, though unconsciously. The “don’t do that, you can’t do this” situation made me feel different. She lost 2 children, 1 to the condition and the other before the genotype could be ascertained.  I played with friends to any level I wanted to, I might not just be able to get up the next day. I have had days too that while playing I go into crisis. Growing up, I missed school on many occasions but it never affected my grades and scores. I had a way of making the top three.  As a result of my good performance, there was less chance for discriminations amongst my peers. In my junior secondary 1 and 2, I have had to struggle to remain in the 13th, 12th and 11th position on some occasions but this wasn’t because of my condition.

Post Secondary education, yes it affected because I felt relaxed like “I really need not struggle, I have my mum”. That got to my head, I didn’t take exams seriously, I failed JAMB a couple of times and when I eventually had the opportunity of gaining admission into a federal polytechnic outside Lagos, I wasn’t allowed to go. I had to settle for a college of education which I was going to from home. It took a while before I realized that I owned my life and mum would not be available forever.

Did I ever blame my parents? At the peak of some painful crises, I may have done so unconsciously but at some other fun times, my mum and I sometimes joke about that. I say stuffs like:  “you have used the love that was worrying you to cause ‘wahala’ for me”.  I had the first crisis when I was 4, according to my parents and I have had crises of varying degrees. I don’t know which I could call the worst but really, I don’t remember the experiences. I guess for me, the memory only lasts as long as the pain. *smiles*.

In my early days in school, precisely, primary and junior secondary school days, I was bullied, I mean bullied in the real sense of the word. I have yellow eyeballs that change from light to deep based on my state of health but never been white. I had a very big tummy and my growth was stunted. I remember a particular girl that called me ‘Oloju Green’ i.e. green eyeballs.

Based on academic performances and consistency, I was made the Head boy in secondary school but it was hell. Even junior students threatened to deal with me basically because of my stature.

Looking back, I see how normal it would have been for primary and secondary school children to deal with such funny look especially when there was no form of education that tended towards that.

Talking about relationships, my self confidence was missing. I couldn’t walk up to any girl, my size and tummy didn’t let me and some that I was able to talk to just saw me as a joke. I didn’t see that as discrimination at the time. It’s in the past now anyway.

I have never had difficulty talking about this condition. I mean, I never hid it from people around me.  I have built a support system, made friends and I have contacts of people living with SCD that rolls into twenties if not more and finally I know more about the disorder because of my profession.

The feeling of not being in it alone, the fact that I can explain what is happened to the cells and what is happening in the body tissues at the time of crisis makes it easy to talk about it.

When you ask if it makes sense for two carriers of the sickle cell disease to get married, hmmm, SS and AS genotyped people are all out for AAs, how many AAs could there possibly be?

I have been at this point before. I am SS and was in a relationship with a girl who is AS. I saw a wife in her and that was what mattered only that she wasn’t willing to go the marriage line. I know of an SS who married an AS and they are happy together. Children come after marriage, a good marriage is first the husband and the wife who love and understand themselves.

I don’t subscribe to having children with SS because of love. The pain is not something children should be subjected to but I appreciate it when couples love and understand themselves. Adoption is an option for me or even remaining together without children. It’s not an easy decision to make but understanding matters a lot.

As someone living with SCD, you need to understand that living with sickle cell builds courage, determination, endurance and perseverance. Discover these strengths.

The truth is we can do anything we want to do but MODERATION is key.

Learn to pace yourself and understand what works for you. Follow your doctor’s orders but you could be a deviant sometimes, it makes it all fun.

SINGLE MOMS: WHY THE STIGMATIZATION

Single motherhood is no longer uncommon in our society and I would have thought that the stigmatization would reduce.  Some time ago, one of my first posts actually, I blogged about unwanted babies http://phaozee-mythoughts.blogspot.com/2012/02/unwanted-babies.html.  We read how babies were abandoned in hideous places and left for dead, sometimes eaten by animals such as pigs. Others would even terminate (murder) a fetus with already formed limbs say at 6 months by taking certain concoction.

It is therefore shocking to me when a lady who made conscious effort to ‘save’ and love her baby, even care for alone is now looked upon like the loose and stigmatized to the point of it being a major issue when she meets a guy who wants to marry her.  Now that is entirely my opinion and you may have a different one. I mean, the one who had a baby but abandoned it, the one who aborted the pregnancy and the one who had a child all committed adultery and is a sin from the religious point of view.  The other two committed additional sins viz:  attempted murder/abandonment and murder. While the single mother chose not to add to her ‘error’.  I would refer to her as the brave one rather than condemn her.  Some of you may totally disagree with me and say she is stupid for jeopardizing her chances of living a stigma free life when she could have done otherwise but then we have different perspectives to life issues.

It is important to note that I am in no way celebrating or promoting single motherhood. Rather I am trying to understand why choosing to make a good (keeping d baby) out of a bad (having unprotected sex) is something to be ashamed of. Some men do not mind getting married to single mothers but others do mind a lot. Even the ones that do not mind get a lot of disapproval from their family members.  Strange as it may sound, I actually have a friend, he is divorced and has 3 kids yet he insists he cannot get married to a single mother.

Guys, if you are reading this, can you marry a single mother, especially if she has most of the attributes u desire in a wife? And generally, dear readers, what do you think are the reasons for the stigmatization single mothers face and are these reasons justified?

HUMANoPHOBIA????

I officially need help. I have phobia for HUMANS. Yes. I am afraid of people. This started after two guys with guns stopped and tried to rob my husband and I on the 23^rd June.  It is strange that I did not blog about the robbery incident –attempted-yet I am blogging about the aftermath of it. I can no longer bear to have a strange man look at me for even 5seconds without feeling that thud that signifies fear in my chest.  If someone moves or walks towards me, I get that feeling. I am in the car, and a motorcycle overtakes the car, I am almost ready ‘to be attacked’. 

This may sound silly and like I am just a dramatic but truly, this is getting really annoying even to me.  Every strange face around me now seems like a potential armed robber.  The other day a guy was walking towards my direction and for whatever reason, he lifted his t-shirt. I was this close to taking to my heels. Well, just a day before that, one of the guys (the one that held the gun to my side of the car in my face) did a similar motion of lifting t-shirt and out came a gun! Who would blame me for not wanting to see that movement especially by a guy? 

I am writing this because I honestly need help in getting over this latest and annoying fear of strange faces.  Dear darling readers, what do u think I can do to overcome this fear? Unfortunately, I do not get back from work till dark and I have to walk my street alone. I pray I do not punch an innocent one in the face some day and now that I am even contemplating having a pen knife with me all the time, I pray I do not attack an innocent person. Or maybe I should just get a pepper spray?

WHAT'S YOUR DISTRESS CODE?

It is funny how we always seem prepared for what never happens but never prepared for what eventually does happen.  I have always thought it a great idea to have this secret code between my husband and I that would send a signal to me that he has a thief(holding a gun to his head)  with him at the door when he knocks. I never thought I needed to have a code for ‘hey aunt, I have been kidnapped!’

Yes I give all thanks to God today.  My niece-cousin-niece-cousin..Whatever, well, my cousin’s daughter was kidnapped.  She lives with me. We spoke more than four times on the phone while she was with the kidnappers yet I suspected nothing.  As far as I was concerned, she went for her computer classes and is staying longer than necessary, disobeying my orders to leave there and head back home. So, I decided to stop calling and see the time she would come home and I would tongue lash her.  My mom called to tell me that my niece called her to tell her she was lost and did not have a clue how to get back home to me. Of course I panicked in confusion. I called and gave her instructions on how to get to a spot where my hubby would go pick her up.

She is back home safe and sound now. Here is her story….

On her way to her computer class which is just on the next street, she was accosted by a guy with a gun to go into a jeep. She was then driven from my very far location of agege to some place (we got to know, a village after Ikorodu). They took her into an uncompleted building where she was asked to sit and that was when she made the second call to me asking if I was home yet. Apparently, they were given a photograph of a girl to kidnap and she was just a case of mistaken identity. The main man ordered them to take her back and left. They told her they had no time to take her back and she should be prepared to stay there for another three days since she said she knew nowhere. There was however a younger guy who was asked to stay with her. He told her he would take her to where she would get a bus and she should ask around from there. So he took her to where she boarded bus to Ikorodu and she was able to contact us properly. Of course the story is longer than all of this but my simple question is, do we now make it a duty to give code words within the family that will signify that we are in a compromised or bad situation?

TEARS OF A MOTHER .....plane crash

I was shivering, shaking, panting, gasping, and hyperventilating. My mind flashed back.  I was about to board the airline. As was the custom in my family, I sent sms to my dad that I was about to board. I called my husband as soon as I sent the sms that I was boarding already. I boarded with my daughter.  There was nothing strange about the whole pre-take off and take off procedure. My daughter was strapped to me with an infant belt. She is 2. About 30mins into the flight, one of the crew members announced that we need to strap on tight and said a few things to calm us down.  I felt the plane jerked in a funny way about a couple of times and it did not feel like the regular turbulence one would experience. But then I did not feel any fear-yet-as I simply assumed we were approaching the airport and descending. Yes seems we were sort of descending already or was it my imagination? We would descend, and then rise again. This was kind of strange. When this continued for another five minutes I noticed a few other passengers were feeling uneasy as well.  Now we were about 35minutes in air. Seemed like all was fine again. Then we got that reassuring announcement that we were approaching the Muritala Muhammed airport and check that our seat belts were fastened.  This was about 5mins after the descend and rise effect I felt.  My daughter was wriggling restlessly so I held her tight and tried to soothe her with playful songs.

Then!  I felt the plane descend sharply. I looked out and I did not see that we were above the airport yet. It came up a bit again. This time, everyone obviously panicked. I held onto my daughter so tight that she cried. Then I was saying ‘Subhanallah, lai laha ila Allahu’. I was saying all that amidst reciting the protective verse “kur siyu” of the Holy Quran. Others around me were also screaming all sorts of prayers. I could only hear myself. There was suddenly a very loud sound and that was when I felt like I was floating alone and my whole inside was dropping down , down , down.  God! We weren’t landing. We were falling! It was so fast but it was so detailed at the same time. Like a slow motion being replayed fast. I have no idea if something hit the plane or the plane hit something but we stopped descending with a loud thud with things flying down and around inside the air craft at the same time. I was seated towards the back. Something had fallen to hit the man beside me on his head. It was all so confusing. People screaming inside, fallen over each other. I saw nothing. I only heard my daughter saying ‘mummy mummy, let us go outside’. As I prayed in fear, my heart was screaming to my husband but nothing came from my lips. He was at the airport waiting to pick me.  He could not hear me. Because we did not land at t he airport. I prayed he would hear me and come for me.  I told myself I would make sure nothing happened to my daughter.  I was so scared now. I am shivering. And holding my baby, and crying because I knew it was a crash. There was no crew member to re assure anyone. I saw none of them.  As I walked blindly towards the only ray of light I could see, I heard a wheezing sound and then….there was flame.

I am sweating.  Yes I am panting, just writing my imagination. It did not happen to me. But it could have been anyone of use and  I know it happened to someone. Maybe not exactly.  All of the above flashed through my mind within 5mins. I was crying. I pray that those who died in the crash find peace-one way or another. I pray that all none of the kids onboard experienced pain before they died. I pray that all of the kids on that Dana plane felt the love of their mother as strong as ever.

.....AND SHE DIED

I heard she put to bed...Friday. So in excitement I called her. She sounded so elated saying her birthday is just few days away. She had been delivered of a baby girl. Yippee! We would go throw a party to celebrate the birth of the baby in another eight days. That is our culture.

Then came the call to my hubby's phone at night. It was my brother in-law saying his wife who had put to bed earlier in the day is now unconscious. I told my hubby, it can't be. I spoke with her and she was very ok.' anyway, he still had to go check her on Saturday to be sure she was fine. When he got there, he called me to confirm she was unconscious. Now that is really worrying. I had no clue what led to that. So as usual, I started asking my brother who is a medical doctor, what could be the likely cause. My hubby also asked the doctor in charge of my sister in-law’s delivery and it came to light that apparently her blood pressure shot up after child birth. This is a case know as post-partum eclampsia.

I called later that day; I was told 'she is asleep now. No longer unconscious. Of course I felt relieved. If only I knew then she never actually came to. Rather she fitted again through the unconsciousness.

Sunday came and I joined my husband, along with the kids to go see my sister in-law and her new baby. I got there. I went in the room where she lay unconscious. She is naturally very light skinned. The skin of the lady lying there looked so much darker and her mouth was open breathing forcefully, the sound of fluid in lungs was very clear to me and her tummy moved up and down in a fast irregular motion. I stayed a bit, and then I went and stood in the balcony. I made a call to my brother to describe as precise as I could the present condition of my sister in-law. He said with the way I described the treatment she was being given, she is not getting the sort of treatment she needed. She has been in that unconscious state for over 48hrs. So a decision was made to take her to another hospital. According to the doctor, as at the time she had the first fit that led to her being unconscious, her BP was 220/140. We took her to a private hospital that we were referred to but was told the doctor traveled. And in haste and fear and anxiety, we rushed her to another federal government hospital (all state government hospitals were on strike) were we were told there was no bed space. We pleaded for her to be seen even if on a stretcher but they insisted they had to get a bed for her first. By this time we were all crying in fear. We rushed her to another private hospital and by the time we got there, she was still breathing in that heavy, stressed irregular, fast patter. Then, as d car stopped, she seemed to heave a deep breath...her last breath. A nurse came out (coincidentally, one who knows...knew her) and by the time she was done checking her vitals, she confirmed her dead.

My iyale, my senior wife, my sister in-law, she was dead. She was gone. I called her name severally she did not respond....death, not such an abstract word after all.

MOST LADIES

As usual, I did a survey, this time to confirm the theory that majority of ladies have lesbian tendencies. Naturally, most will be too embarrassed to admit it but surprisingly, I was able to get honest responses that showed that  over 70% of girls have lesbian tendencies!!! However, not all have actually gone through with the ‘act’. For 40%, it still remains a fantasy. It has remained a fantasy for most mainly because deep down they know or believe it is not right or proper to desire to be touched by the same sex. For some, because they do not have to courage to approach another girl for it for fear of being turned down and embarrassed. Out of the remaining 30% who have tried it, about 5% found it wasn’t their thing.

When you think about it and wonder why this is so, it is possible that it is because a lady would clean up her vagina by really using her hands and fingers and this will allow them know the feeling of and right place to get the best sensation. Hence the saying that only a woman truly understand the best way to turn a woman on (ok, I don’t know where I got that saying from.lol).

Whether for cultural of religious reasons, most people believe attraction to the same sex is totally wrong. I will love to read your responses. Do you agree that most women have lesbian tendencies? Do you (if you are female) have lesbian tendency? Have you ever carried out your fantasy?

UNWANTED BABIES

I visited an orphanage home recently and realised that most of the babies are not really orphans but abandoned.  I looked at them and realised that no matter how wonderful the care they are receiving at the home, they can never get that special love and affection that can only be dished out by a mother to her child. So, i started wondering two things, would it have been better if they were never born than be in this situation; and a mother who aborted a developing foetus (not yet a baby) or that who gave the baby a chance to be born into the world yet went ahead to dump in place were the child has low likelihood of survival which is worse?

Let us take the first one. Is it better for the babies not to have been born than to be born and abandoned? If they were never born, they never saw the light of day, were probably not more than a clot of blood before they were terminated. So they know no pain.  If they are born and abandoned, they have a good chance of survival and of someone picking them up and giving them a chance of a good life.  At the same time, because most of them are dumped in places like canals, refuse dumps, gutters and zipped up inside a big bag, they would go through tortured time. Where they cry out of hunger, suffocation and we have seen a case of a baby being eaten alive by pigs before she was picked up on the third day. Now, that child, no matter the type of surgery that will be given, the scar will remain and God know what other damage would have been done internally. In some cases, the babies eventually die. Abandoned babies live with the stigma for the rest of their lives and may have permanent low self esteem because they cannot understand why their mother would not want to have them.

Now let us analyze the two different mothers. The one who aborted the growing foetus and the one who had the baby but abandoned the child.  The one who aborted the growing foetus never gave the child a chance to live. Maybe if she had that child and abandoned somewhere, the baby would atleast get to live and become someone important in future.  She acted selfishly and could not give up just nine month of her life to have that innocent baby.  At the same time, she knows already she does not want the baby and would end up having a child she does not love or want so she decided to spare the child the agony of living and existing as an unwanted child. That is why she made sure she terminated the pregnancy early enough before it was fully developed.

The mother who had the baby but went ahead to abandon the baby not caring what happens in the end to that innocent life who has no clue as to what her crime is. If you went ahead to carry a growing baby in your womb and at the end you abandon the child in a terrible state because you do not want the baby, of course most of the time, it is because you wish the baby does not exist so you are hoping he/she dies.  The fact that this mother did not terminate the pregnancy does not mean she cared about the baby; it could only be that she is too scared of having to go through the aborting process, meaning she is as selfish as the first mother. Why have a child yet you careless as to what type of life the child ends up having. You leave the baby at the mercy of worms, snakes, and the likes even at the risk of being run over by a moving vehicle-in the case of ones dropped on a highway-and you say you have given the baby a chance to live? Even if they are lucky enough to get picked up and survive, they can never enjoy any special love from any woman. At least not the type they could have enjoyed from a mother.  However, the mother who has gone ahead to have this baby, even if she ends up abandoning him/her, has chosen to give the child a chance of survival. At least no matter the circumstances surrounding its being picked up, the bottom line is that he/she survived and gets to grow up and become whatever she/he likes.  They could be lucky to get adopted by wonderful ‘parents’ who would appreciate them and love them like theirs.

Now the above are entirely my opinion. I would like to read from you. What are your views? Who is the cruel mother here? Which is the unlucky child or as d case maybe, unborn child?

TALENT OR HOBBY

This is the first post of a random writter so it is expected to be random. :D. Tola famakinwa, get off my back!

Between our primary and secondary school days, some of us had a ‘talent’ or two which we were praised for either by our teachers, parents or peers.  As a result, we saw ourselves in the future being famous for something in that line. Most of the time, these were more of hobbies than talents but of course every parent believed they have future stars as children. Stop. Think. Which were yours? For me, i remember vividly my numerous talents (or were they simply hobbies? I cannot say for sure now). Hahaha. Was it just me or every kid who at every interval of two years changes goal and ambition? i just really had many things I felt and believed i was good at therefore i had various perceived future faces. Hmnn. 

First, it was my leadership quality. Now this kept on till my final year in the secondary school.  The baffling thing right now is, if i was such a great leader, what relegated me to a great follower in my university days? Did i meet greater leaders or all i had was charisma and not leadership quality? I wonder.

So, the second ‘talent’ came right when i was just in my primary 5. Wow! She is so fast on the tracks. Hahaa.  Of course, i have no trophy to show for this ‘talent’ which continued through to my 5^th year in the secondary school.  Mostly because when i had to go and represent my school, i usually do not fall within the fastest three. And the few times i did, ‘the gift belonged to the school’. It took alot of ‘failed’ races to realise i could only do the shortest sprints. Now that is disappointing.

This third ‘talent’ surfaced in my final year in the primary school. The writing skill! Now, i still am not sure if this is a hobby or a talent because this is one that has succeeded in sticking till now.  If you ask me, i see it more as a hobby because i derive so much pleasure and relief from emotional stress by putting my thoughts down on paper. Oh, i will not forget to say one set back in this, when i start off, i am usually unable to type a conclusive line. Frustrating! Hey, before this discourages you, not to worry, i will somehow succeed in concluding this already long post of mine.

I cannot forget to mention the public speaker part. Haahaa. Yes o. That also one of my ‘talents’. I became a ‘future presenter’.  Up until recently, i was still hoping one day i will anchor a TV programme.

Did i mention that i am also a counsellor? Believe it or not o, i am. I can’t stop laughing just putting this down as i remember each. My days in camp, I even trained as a peer educator trainer. I never put that into use. I just kept telling myself, someday, I will have a pre-university centre for teenagers. Well, somehow, maybe this will still come to pass.

If I keep writing I will not stop because i know i grew up having many ‘talents’ or were they just hobbies? Or dreams?

So, let’s hear yours. Am sure we have some of you with a few ‘neglected’ talents...or hobby. Wink*.

The purpose of this is to find out if my readers remember having ‘talents’ that they simply can’t find anymore. Also, let us help our kids to pick out and differentiate between talents and hobby so that we help them develop the talents and encourage them in their hobbies rather than make them believe they have all these talents and in the process of aiming at so many goals end up letting go of a key talent that they would have been famous for.