Single motherhood is no longer uncommon in our society and I
would have thought that the stigmatization would reduce. Some time ago, one of my first posts
actually, I blogged about unwanted babies http://phaozee-mythoughts.blogspot.com/2012/02/unwanted-babies.html.
We read how babies were abandoned in hideous places and left for dead,
sometimes eaten by animals such as pigs. Others would even terminate (murder) a
fetus with already formed limbs say at 6 months by taking certain concoction.
It is therefore shocking to me when a lady who made
conscious effort to ‘save’ and love her baby, even care for alone is now looked
upon like the loose and stigmatized to the point of it being a major issue when
she meets a guy who wants to marry her. Now
that is entirely my opinion and you may have a different one. I mean, the one
who had a baby but abandoned it, the one who aborted the pregnancy and the one
who had a child all committed adultery and is a sin from the religious point of
view. The other two committed additional
sins viz: attempted murder/abandonment
and murder. While the single mother chose not to add to her ‘error’. I would refer to her as the brave one rather
than condemn her. Some of you may
totally disagree with me and say she is stupid for jeopardizing her chances of
living a stigma free life when she could have done otherwise but then we have
different perspectives to life issues.
It is important to note that I am in no way celebrating or
promoting single motherhood. Rather I am trying to understand why choosing to
make a good (keeping d baby) out of a bad (having unprotected sex) is something
to be ashamed of. Some men do not mind getting married to single mothers but
others do mind a lot. Even the ones that do not mind get a lot of disapproval from
their family members. Strange as it may
sound, I actually have a friend, he is divorced and has 3 kids yet he insists
he cannot get married to a single mother.
Guys, if you are reading this, can you marry a single
mother, especially if she has most of the attributes u desire in a wife? And generally,
dear readers, what do you think are the reasons for the stigmatization single mothers
face and are these reasons justified?
why not? truely family and even some friends will find such an action awkward to say the least but personally, if she follows my lead i know that they'll love or like her eventually.
ReplyDeleteWell thats my though, hey i almost married one even!
jst as we have single motherhood, same 4 d guys too (singlefatherhood). but i dont see any thing wrong in marryin a single mom, cos na conditionmake crayfish bend oooo...4 mi my hubby had a son b4 we got married n i dont v any problem c dat.
ReplyDeletedats my thought
Mycomment too long. M a single mother and twas d best decision of my life. Any man who even wants to Marry me must 1st love my child truly and unconditionally otherwise, bye bye to Jati Jati, no be me dey worry u.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing but respect and admiration for single mothers! I honestly don't know how they do it! And it's a complete shame that society doesn't support them but instead frowns on it. Of course it doesn't help that we are a religious nation, I guess it is also a case of trying not to 'encourage' a trend in society...
ReplyDeleteAwhile ago, I wrote a similar post called The Parent. As a lady, I can marry a single father. circumstances have made a lot of people single parents and I have chosen not to judge anyone.
ReplyDeleteI heard a story of a lady, who Fiance's mother insisted she got preganant before her son can marry the lady, she was blinded by love and decided to do so.. In the end, the to be mother in law said she is too rich and future is too great( direct translation from Yoruba) for her son to marry the lady. The lady kept her baby, because of the stigma, she never found a man to marry her. She ended up becoming a mistress.
Taking care of an unplanned child- I salute the courage and the willingness to be responsible.
I salute those mothers and give them kudos for at least saving a nation because nobody could tell what future holds for those children.
ReplyDeleteWhen u try raising a child alone ppl call it single parenthood and sigmatise u but what do they call you when after marrying successfully and have completed your family by having Four children a strange woman just come from no where and chase you away with your children and claim the man for life.
What do we call that? I think we should all grow up and forget being bias about the whole issue and marry for the purpose of why we need to get married.
I will always have total respect for single MOTHERS because if you are not in there shoe you won't know what they are passing trough,if you are not one you have no idea of what they are going trough,it is who wear the shoe that knows where it hurt,being a single mother is not something sweet that someone will willingly want to become one,being a single mother is not an easy tax i swear but in any situation you find your self in life always have it at the back of your mind that IT IS WELL and life goes ON.....
ReplyDeletePeople are just too judgey and hypocritical in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with being a single mommy, her heart is all that counts!
ReplyDelete