CHEAT-CHAT

Am I unfaithful to my spouse? Sounds like a simple question to answer, yet I think it is quite complicated. I believe an individual has the right to define a word in whatever way he/she understands it. So, I am not going to even try to get the ‘correct’ definition for infidelity or being unfaithful in marriage.
Once a lady gets married, in most cases she believes strongly that she has to stick with the man she is married to and has promised to be faithful to. It’s amazing that in spite of the reality of almost inability of a man to think or stay that way, the wife still expects her husband to have the same view or make the same decision about marriage. Haahaa. Actually, most men do make the decision to stay faithful or at least they hoped to. However, somewhere along the line…..yea they just do not.
Now, when is the man unfaithful? Is it when he starts talking so much to the other girl? Or is it when he goes out of his way to see her just because he really misses her company? Is it when he texts her every hour? Or is it when he out rightly starts to ask her out on a date? Is it when he starts kissing and fondling her whenever they are together or is it ONLY when he actually has penetrative sex with the other girl?
I chatted with quite a number of married people and the majority feels that so long as it’s a chat you do not want to be get ‘caught at’ then it is cheating. “Yes I would say he is cheating on me because he is sharing his thoughts with another lady. His attention is divided”, says Emizen. A few said it is not cheating if there is no physical contact. Meaning that no matter how or what you chat about with another opposite sex other than your spouse, they do not see it as cheat. From this few, a small percentage believes such chats, even though they do not regard as cheating, is a sure way that could lead to infidelity. “Cheating on one’s spouse isn’t premeditated, one silly act leads to the next and it becomes a norm especially when there is no attention in the home.
About two persons feel that even kissing is not cheating and one can only be seen to have cheated if there is penetrative sex.
It is obvious from the above that what I will regard as cheating might not necessarily be seen as cheating by my spouse. There lies the escape channel that provides excuses for some when ‘caught’ having flirtatious chats with someone other than their spouse. “I have never even met him. It’s really a harmless chat and nothing more.”
Quite interestingly though, it seems that at some point, over 80% of married persons have engaged in flirtatious chats –you might want to say, emotional extra-marital affair-at one point or the other in their marriage.
Research has shown that emotional affairs resulting from frequent and continual chatting, either by phone calls or by sms, has a greater tendency to break marriages than a physical sexual affair that has no emotional link. This is mainly because, this spouse continues to get more emotionally attached to the other one out there and as such is gradually disconnected with the spouse at home. There is more tendency to share intimate thoughts and fantasies with the ‘outsider’ than the spouse.
The things that lead men to cheat on their wives are different from what would cause a woman to cheat on her husband. Both share some reasons in common.
A woman could cheat on her husband either directly or getting a chat buddy that makes her feel wonderful unlike her husband who is now sees her as a ‘wife’ who will always be there no matter his mistakes. Sometimes, she could be doing this out of revenge if she feels the husband has cheated on her-from her own definition of infidelity. Another reason could be that she feels sexually disconnected to her husband and seeks to regain that connection elsewhere.
A man could cheat on his wife, in whatever definition you have chosen to go by, because he is no longer attracted to her. It could also be because he is beginning to feel old and needs to reassure himself that he is still ‘in town’ and capable to make a girl desire him. Or if he feels neglected by the wife and he finds someone who listens to his whatever he has to say including his silliest jokes.
These are only a few of the reasons why. Have you ever engaged in flirtatious chats with someone other than your spouse? Did you feel guilty? What led to that? What do you think are some of the reasons for people to have extra-marital affairs? Do share with other readers.