LADIES, DO YOU HAVE FOD?..... when she never orgasms

The inability of a woman to reach orgasm is actually a medical condition called orgasmic dysfunction. It is also referred to as Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD). This lack of response affects the quality of the woman's sexual experiences. To understand this disorder, it is first necessary to understand the physiological changes that normally take place in a woman's body during sexual arousal and orgasm. When a woman is sexually excited, the blood vessels in the pelvic area expand, allowing more blood to flow to the genitals. This is followed by the seepage of fluid out of blood vessels and into the vagina to provide lubrication before and during intercourse. These events are called the "lubrication-swelling response." Body tension and blood flow to the pelvic area continue to build as a woman receives more sexual stimulation; this occurs either by direct pressure on the clitoris or as pressure on the walls of the vagina and cervix. This tension builds as blood flow increases. When tension is released, pleasurable rhythmic contractions of the uterus and vagina occur; this release is called an "orgasm." The contractions carry blood away from the genital area and back into general circulation.  However, for someone suffering from FOD, sexual arousal and lubrication occur. Body tension builds, but the woman is unable or has extreme difficulty reaching climax and releasing the tension. This inability can lead to frustration and unfulfilling sexual experiences for both partners.  Also, lack of orgasm can cause anger, frustration, and other problems in the relationship.

It is normal for orgasms to vary in intensity, length, and number of contractions from woman to woman. The main symptom of orgasmic dysfunction is the inability to achieve sexual climax. Having unsatisfying orgasms or taking longer than normal to reach climax are also symptoms. Orgasmic dysfuntion does not refer only to sexual intercourse. It also refers to the inability to reach orgasm during masturbation or direct stimulation of the clitoris. 

FOD can be generalized or situation-specific. In generalized FOD, the failure to have an orgasm occurs with different partners and in many different settings. In situational FOD, inability to reach climax occurs only with specific partners or under particular circumstances. FOD may be due either to psychological factors or a combination of physiological and psychological factors, but not due to physiological factors alone.

Physiological causes of FOD include:

• damage to the blood vessels of the pelvic region
• spinal cord lesions or damage to the nerves in the pelvic area
• side effects of medications (antipsychotics, antidepressants, narcotics) or illicit substance abuse
• removal of the clitoris (also called female genital mutilation, a cultural practice in parts of Africa, the Middle East, and Asia)

Psychological causes of FOD include:

• history of sexual abuse, rape, incest
• emotional abuse
• fear becoming pregnant
• fear of rejection by partner
• fear of loss of control during orgasm/performance anxiety
• self-image problems
• relationship problems with partner such as unresolved conflicts or lack of trust (leading to sexual disconnection )
• life stresses, such as financial worries, job loss, or divorce
• guilt about sex or sexual pleasure
• religious or cultural beliefs about sex
• major depression

other underlying factors may include;

• age, especially in women undergoing menopause
• chronic illness
• embarrassment or shyness
• hysterectomy (an operation in which the woman’s uterus is removed)
• medical issues, such as diabetes or neurological disorders

The first step in treating orgasmic dysfunction is talking to your doctor. While it may be embarrassing, it’s the best way to help ensure that you can fully enjoy sexual activity again. Your doctor may refer you to a gynecologist for a follow-up exam

Treatment for orgasmic dysfunction depends on the cause. You may need to: treat any underlying conditions; switch antidepressant medications; try some form of talk therapy;  receive direct clitoral stimulation during masturbation and sexual intercourse.Couples therapy is a popular treatment option. It’s a way for couples to connect better intimately. This can address issues both in the relationship and in the bedroom. In couples therapy, they often assign "homework" that focuses on relaxation techniques, sexual exploration, improving sexual communication, decreasing inhibitions, and increasing direct clitoral stimulation. Individually, a woman might be encouraged to masturbate either through self-stimulation or with a vibrator. In addition, kegel exercises, which improve the strength and tone of the muscles in the genital area, may be recommended.

There are no sure ways to prevent FOD. However, reducing life factors that causes stress can be effective. Seeking counseling or psychotherapy for past trauma, or when problems begin to appear in a relationship can help minimize sexual dysfunction problems. 

Essentially, couples should pay close attention to each other during sexual intercourse and not get selfishly carried away. Your spouse may be suffering from orgasmic dysfunction. 

Reference:  Encyclopedia of mental disorder.

Sex and Religion

Sex is a very important part of marriage, it could help in making or breaking it. And as religious people we are a little bit confused on our limitations as perceived by God. We don’t wanna fall into sin trying to please our spouses and also we don’t want to lose our spouses while trying to please God and do His will according to what we read in the Holy Books.
So I sought after two of my lovely friends to help out, one a Muslim and the second a Christian.
Bola Adeniyi-Oreagba, a devout Muslim and also a Blogger ( www.phaozee-mythoughts.blogspot.com ) will be handling it from the Islamic angle. While Bukola Precious Aduwo a born again christian and a Journalist will be handling it from the Christian angle.

Sex and Religion as written by Bukola Aduwo (Mrs)
It is with great pleasure that I put this piece together that centres on sex and religion.
Unfortunately such a topic is usually ignored or sidelined in churches because some sets of people believe it is sinful and will rather focus more on issues considered to be more spiritual.
But wait a minute, what can be more spiritual than sex especially in the confines of marriage?
It is established in the Bible that pre-marital sex is sin(Heb.13:4)but it is sad to know that some wives still feel ‘guilty’ after having sex with their husbands (Holy Matrimony). Matt. 19:5.
Sex in marriage is a wonderful gift that must be enjoyed so fill your mind with basic knowledge and insights that will enhance your sex life.  Song of Solomon,  1 Cor . 7:1-7 Infact it is shocking to know that most Christians believe that the only reason for sex is reproduction.  I need to state here categorically that husband and wife should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short period or season maybe during fasting.  1Cor.7:5.
Ladies whenever your husband beacons on you for sex, I beg you in the name of God not to hesitate to heed the call because if you must know, sex is like food for a man! Men as we know wake up in the mornings with an erection, that’s how their bodies have been programmed, so they can have sex every day of their lives without complaining.
Most ladies are in the habit of giving excuses whenever it is time to perform their ‘bedmatic’ responsibility. Remember the story of Queen Vasti in the book of Esther. The king(husband)  called her (for whatever reason) but she refused to answer the call. At the end of the day, Esther took her place, I pray we shall not lose our space and place in Jesus name. When it’s time to service your man, please do! Men love a Godly and God fearing woman, but they also want you to be slutty for them in the confines of your room. Sex in marriage is called “Holy Matrimony” and what ever is done there between both of you is acceptable to God as long as you don’t involve a 3rd party.
Tips on sex in marriage for the woman.
1. Keep yourself beautiful. Some women were meticulous about how they look when they were single  but relaxed after marriage.  Always remember that men are moved by what they see. That’s the way they are wired by God! Always look beautiful
2. Be a whore to your husband. Learn new bed styles, upgrade yourself, explore and most importantly always be on top of your game. Be creative – your husband must not be bored sexually.
3. Make your marriage your number one priority.
4. Demand for sex occasionally. It turns men on and makes them perform better.
5. Lastly devote ample time to pray for your man’s sexuality.
I sincerely pray that we shall not fall in our sexual responsibility towards our husbands. Amen.

Sex and Religion from the Islamic point of view as written by Fauzziyah Bola Oreagba (Mrs)

Sex has always been a difficult topic to talk about publicly among the Muslims. It is one topic that is always shoved aside and not dealt with in an honest manner. Muslim children go out in the world where sex is a commodity, everyone is engaging in sex and talking about sex but then they come back to their Muslim communities only to find that their elders are unwilling to engage the topic in a manner both relevant and ethical. Of course they grow into adults that have a wrong opinion and misunderstanding of sex.
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “There is no shyness in matters of religion.” Married couples always ask questions about what is permissible on this subject matter. We hope that this write up will be able to do justice to that. Couples should be sensitive to each other’s needs and limitations. Even a ‘virtuous’ excuse like deep involvement in worship is not accepted if the man forgets or ignores his wife’s rights. In such a case it is the woman’s right to protest. History reports the woman who went to Umar ibn al Khat tab (second caliph) consulting him: My husband fasts by day and prays all night. and I feel embarassed to complain seeing that he spends his time worshipping God. The man was summoned for a hearing. The final verdict was to have three nights for his own worship and to heed the needs of his wife during the rest of the week. Umar also asked his daughter Hafsa how long a woman should stand being away from her husband, Upon which he decreed that fighting troops should be given leave to come back home every six months.
Islam encourages that all phases of sexual responses should be in synch to avoid sexual disharmony. In most cases, sexual disharmony is due to the man getting his orgasm when the woman is still eagerly waiting with inflamed desire to reach her own orgasm. The conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. To guide against this, the Prophet of Islam has stressed the importance of intense fore play. He made a statement where he politely refered to fore play as ‘messenger’. He said, ‘”Let-not the one of you fall upon his wife like a beast (camel) falls.  It is more appropriate to set a messenger afore the act”
Now speaking on how far we are allowed to go in satisfying our sexual desires and/or the limits (if any) to fore play and sexual acts in Islam, Most Islamic scholars agree , that all acts that aim at satisfying and pleasing the spouses are allowable so long as two things are avoided, that is anal sex and having sex with a wife while she is still in her menstruation. Khuzaymah bin thabit (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said, ‘indeed, Allah is not bashful of the truth. Do not have intercourse with women in their rectum.’ (Recorded by An Nasai). Quran 2: 222 says, ‘They ask you concerning (intercourse during) menstruation. Say, it is harmful (to both partners), so keep away from women during menses.’ Note that it is permissible to be with and touch your wife and play with her even in her menses as long as she keeps covered her lower torso (her waist down). During Ramadan sex should be avoided “Only” when you are fasting, once you break your fast, please don’t deny your wife or husband his or her marital rights to you sexually
Another sexual act usually in contest of whether it is permissible or not is the oral sex. Dr. Heba Kotb, a Sunni female scholar[citation needed] who gives sex advice on Egyptian TV, said that oral sex is allowed “since there is no religious text banning it”. She considers oral sex as a part of foreplay on this ground that Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay”. However, following the principles of Islamic Jurisprudence, the scholars have come up with the following ruling for this issue of oral sex.
It can be considered as part of foreplay but Allah knows best as there was no discussion at the time of the Prophet SAW about this issue.
Something cannot be declared prohibited if there is no clear proof in the Quran and in the Books of Sunna (hadith).
It is disliked by the scholars because it is the practice of the disbelievers.
Oral sex should not replace normal sexual intercourse and should only be a form of foreplay if practiced.
No swallowing of semen or ejaculation is allowed. Precum and vagina liquid are also impure and should not be in contact with the mouth.
Should not be done excessively as it causes harm to the mouth or other parts of the body and therefore should be avoided.
In conclusion, there is great flexibility in terms of how you both can satisfy each other and that could potentially involve engaging in oral sex. All of this depends on your personal preferences. Be creative, stay within the limits established by Islam, talk to each other and be open in sharing your feelings with each other about what is satisfying and what is not.
It should be noted that one of the main objectives of Shari`ah is to safeguard the life of people and keep them healthy. Based on this, if it is scientifically proven that oral sex or such practices cause mouth cancer or form a danger on the health of a person who practices it, then it becomes totally prohibited.

In the long run, please let us realize that our religion holds marital sex in high esteem, it is the will of God, please wives, most especially, deny not your husbands their marital right to you. Its the best food you can give to him. Let him have a feast always. You can also drop your questions and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

culled from http://myorgasma.co 

WHAT GETS HER TO ORGASM?- do you know?

I have been procrastinating about this post for over 6 months now. When couples engage in sexual intercourse, they want to achieve sexual satisfaction. Total sexual satisfaction is achieved when we are able to reach orgasm. According to Wikipedia, Orgasm is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure.  Experienced by males and females, orgasms are controlled by the involuntary or autonomic nervous system. They are often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalization are expressed.

Female can attain orgasm in more ways than one. That is, for females to achieve orgasm, it is not restricted to stimulation of just one body part. Women can reach orgasm through the stimulation of Clitoris, Vagina (the g-spot), breasts, or other part of the body. Some can also attain orgasm through the use of sexual imagery without any touch at all. A recent survey showed that clitoral stimulation is the most popular (or we can say the surest ) way to attaining orgasm. Out of about 30 people who took the survey say they are able to reach orgasm through stimulation of the breast, three out of who also reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Closely followed, we had a few more who say they are able to achieve orgasm through stimulation of the g-spot, two of who also reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. The G-spot is a place located on the front wall of the vagina an inch or two behind the back of the pubic bone. Now this spot is said to be highly sensitive. However, some sex researchers do not agree that this G-spot is present in all women.

It is common knowledge that women do not reach orgasm as easily as men do. In fact, some women have NEVER experienced orgasm. This maybe because their partners have not been able to discover the part of body that needs to be stimulated for them to reach orgasm. In other cases, it may be because the woman suffers from a condition called orgasmic dysfuntion.

For the first reason, it is unfortunate how couples never take time to study the body of their partners. Some men just assume that because their ex would ‘cum’ when her clitoris is stimulated, it is same for this current partner. Why don’t you explore and see if she is simply different. For all you know, she only needs her boobs stimulated for her to attain orgasm. A man is not a man in bed until he is able to ultimately satisfy his woman. A lot of women would even fake orgasm-yes, a lot of women can relate to this-just to put the ‘boring movie’ to a quick end. The man is probably there pounding so hard and ‘waiting’ for his lady to cum before he does (after all they say it is good to satisfy her before you cum). If the pounding and thrusting without stimulating (either by touching, kissing or licking) the essential part (for example her breasts or clitoris) of her body is not doing it for her, it becomes one loooong boring movie that she just wants to be over fast. Some ladies will also refuse to speak openly with their spouse on sexual issues because they fear that they may be judged or accused of learning from ‘unholy’ sources. Eh, marital sex is very holy please. If your man is not doing it right, show him. Show him in a way that will not deflate his ego though. Not a way that will make it look like he does not know what he is doing in bed. You can just guide his hand or mouth to where you want.

In the case of a woman who does not in her self know what gets her to orgasm, maybe because she keeps hoping and believing that it has to come from thrusting, it may be good for her to take a day or two to try and discover what gets her to orgasm. Ok maybe not a day. Some women actually stumble on their G-spot or the body part that gets them to orgasm, by accident. That is, it could just be during one of those ‘routine’ sex that the man does something different and she suddenly realises the intense pleasure and warmth that preceeds an orgasm. And when this ‘something different’ continues and she finally reaches orgasm, there is no way she is going to forget what got her THERE! The sooner we start to understand that sex is not meant to be endured but rather enjoyed, we may realise how important it is for us help our wives reach orgasm instead of just expecting her to cum. ‘After all I am thrusting and pumping so hard, what more does she need?’

P.S

Foreplay is key for a lot of women. It lays the foundation to an amazing climax. Do not just take off her pants and penetrate just because she seems ‘wet enough’. 

BIRTHDAY POST: 35....SUDDENLY SOUNDS LIKE A LOT

One score, one decade and five years! Wow! 10years ago, I would expect to feel really old at 35. Am I weird to still feel exactly the way I felt when I was 25? I remember telling my sister some years ago that I do not feel any different from when I was 21. She said to wait till I was 30 and I would definitely feel it. Ok, here I am still waiting. I hope I have not ceased  to grow mentally as that would be really horrifying.

Seriously now, for the past few days I have been wondering and pondering over this new age thing. 35. Yes. 35. The figure sounds  like a lot. I keep asking myself if I am a better person than I was ten years ago or if I was a better person back then. Many people will say being a better person is relative. I agree. Here I am meaning to say in the way I affect those around me weather directly or indirectly. In the last one year, I have had atleast 7 people accuse me that I no longer check on them like I used to. That makes me start to wonder if I am growing to be more selfish and less selfless. I would really hate that but if that is it then I am obliviously not aware of this. The recent survey I did that was supposed to help me know and see myself from other people’s ‘eyes’ did not really show what I really wanted to see. Hmm. Or maybe that is really how these people see me. I was hoping to read some really nasty stuff about me from people considering it was anonymous and there was no way I would know who wrote what. Who am I kidding? I was able to guess a few like the ones written by two or three of my close friends. Haahaa. Yea I kind of know your choice of words. 

There were four questions in the survey one of which is actually my point of interest. WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE ABOUT PHAOZEE?

It is not such a bad thing that there was actually one person who disliked EVERYTHING about Phaozee. *sigh*.  Imperfection is simply originality. Seems I sometime sound rude and cocky which does not go down well with some people. Ok this side of me I did not know. All in all, the silver lining though, nah this is actually a rainbow because it is from the majority (hehhee) is that if I die tomorrow, I know I am on the average a likeable person. In a chat  I had with one of my closest friend a few days back, I said, ‘ I am thinking, if I have affected people positively or negatively in the last 5 years. It is hard you know? We pray for long life but if one were to die now, the words of people will go a long way in the kind of memory we leave behind. I will say I have not been completely pleased with myself in the last two years.’

And then she asked me, ‘ and why is that?’ she got no response to this question.  In trying to adapt to life changes resulting from unexpected occurences in our lives, we sometimes make selfish decisions which may not always be the best.

For those who have crossed my part so far in my entire 35years, I hope I have in someway influenced you positively , or been a source of blessing to you. And if not then I hope at some point that will happen, even if remotely.