WHY TELL HER TO SIT ON A MAN'S LAP?

Ok, am I being paranoid? Today, on my way home i had joined a colleague in his car and there were three other guys in the car as well. We stopped to pick up my colleague (car owner)’s niece and nephew (ages about 5-8). While my colleague was trying to arrange sitting, he mentioned that his niece sit on one of the guy’s lap. I immediately insisted that she should come sit on mine instead, whilst telling him not to encourage little girls to sit on the laps or any man. One of the guys in the car immediately said, ‘ all that is in the mind and head. It means nothing blah blah blah’ . He started sounding tome like this dude either does not believe in the existence of paedophiles or he thinks it is taking it too far training little girls how to guide against harassments from these evil creatures.
Of course that is one subject I am passionate about so I tried to explain to him but he kept saying ‘it is not everybody (hello! I never said it was.) and it isn’t really that bad’. Wow! I couldn’t hold on any longer. I flared up in pure anger and irritation. Like ‘is this dude dumb? Has he never heard a real life experience?’ i mean! I have heard. Yes I have. Even in my neighbourhood and I beat myself up every time I remember for not knowing what to do.
According to Wikipedia, medically, paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder in persons 16years of age or older typically characterised by a primary or exclusive sexual interest towards prepubescent children (generally age 11 years or younger, though specific diagnostic criteria for the disorder extends the cut-off point for pre-pubescence to age 13). A person suffering from this is called a paedophile. Paedophiles are a lot more around us than we can ever imagine.
Now, I have always been conscious of what my kids watch on TV (although how conscious can I be considering I am only at home few hours of the day), but after I attended a seminar on sex education for children by Praise Fowowe, I upped it all a little. I tell my little girls what their public and private parts are. And why they must never listen to anyone who tells them ‘do not tell your daddy or mummy’. I let them know that it is not good for girls to sit on a man’s lap. Yes, even their own uncles. I mean, paedophiles are real and unfortunately, it has nothing to do with trust. It is a psychiatric disorder and shows no physical symptoms. How do you know your brother or your spouse’s brother or your child’s class teacher is not one? So why will I not just do what I can to inform my children to tell me if anyone touches them funny. Now, I will always ask my children ‘tell me the things that happened in your school today.’ From their gist, one would pick out any signs or subtle signs of anything sexual they might have picked up and what better time to clarify what they may be confused about?
I recall the day I told my husband we should stop kissing the kids on their lips and just stick to cheek pecks, he told me out rightly that I was taking it too far. Maybe I was/am. But I just felt that once they already know mouth to mouth or lip to lip is not a normal/usual thing and I let them know it is not okay to kiss people that way at that age, hopefully they would push away any idiot who make an attempt to plant a dirty kiss on their lips.  My fellow parents, if you will tell a child not to do something, you had better have a good reason to give them why they shouldn’t. If you do not, you may have only tickled their curiosity on that particular issue.
As rampant as child sexual harassment/abuse is, you will be shocked to know that there are quite a number of parents who still do not think or believe they exist. All these stories sound like made up ones to them. For those who do not believe, think back. Growing up, have there not been one or more occasions where a close senior relative or family friend made you do or even asked you to do something inappropriate for your age? I believe some of you will answer in the affirmative. I have a close ‘person’ whose uncle made him and his siblings suck on his penis in exchange for sweets. They were kids! And he was an adult!
Doubters, you need more? Some time ago, my 16yr old niece living with me informed me that a girl in the next house to ours (I do not know most people in my neighbourhood so I don’t know her parents) who of course I do see around, was sexually abused by her choir master. This girl is about 11/13 years of age. According to what she told my cousin, the choir master who her father trusts so much usually take them to and from church for practice. So he had parked the car somewhere on their way back home and forced her to have sex with him. He then gave her a thousand naira. When I asked why she did not tell her parent, she said her father is very strict and trusts this choir master so will never believe her. And that he might even beat her thinking she made up the story. Now, I heard this. I knew I should not just let it slide. I thought I should call this girl and have a few words with her but my niece said she told her in confidence and that would be breach of trust. I told my niece to convince her to come over and tell me personally so that I could then find a way to talk to this girl and see if we could inform her parent together.  Hmm. Somehow, after about three weeks, I stopped asking my niece. I know I failed in my duty and I feel terrible. But truth is, a part of me just really wanted to and still want to talk to this girl. I fear informing the parent. We know how some people can be, especially a situation where a stranger walks up to you to tell you such a thing about your daughter and a man you trust so much. I tell you, I will come out as the nosy neighbour who just wanted to destroy a good relationship. Maybe not. I will never know now.
Anyway, the entire long story above is for the doubters and the ‘it isn’t that bad’ kind of people. They do exist and I have heard of more cases. Parents, listen to EVERY thing your child has to say. It can be very difficult especially with ages 3-8 who can be talkative. Let us just try because out of the excessive questions they ask and the annoying and frustrating talks, we may be able to pick up a few things. Things that will tell us they have been learning some things the wrong way. Like maybe they have this friend who tells them to ‘ let us kiss and lie on each other like they do in television’. You can then gently ask, without shouting, who this kid telling them to do such is. You then go ahead and let them know that such words and acts is not good for good children and only bad children say and do such things. Trust me, questions will arise from even your explanation but if we read books about child sex education and pray to God for guidance, we will not go wrong in responses.
Parenting has no manual. Do not be the shouting parent. Do not doubt your children. This way, they will not fear to tell you of things they know are wrong. I have been wanting to end this write up but I am finding it hard to. This colleague of mine really vexed me with his reaction to my insisting on the little girl sitting on my lap instead. This may be by longest post so far and I honestly do not know all about child sex education. What I know is, for every age, there is something to teach. The age appropriate sexual knowledge required. I also know that, if you shy away from educating your children about sex, they will learn from their peers. The difference is that peers will teach them in the wrong way. The way that will make them want to experiment what it totally inappropriate.  Why don’t we as parent, teach them before they learn the wrong way on the outside. When they eventually do, it is no longer news and the have the RIGHT information. We can only try but we MUST always pray for guidance. It is not by our will alone.

Do you have the financial power in your marriage?

 It is usual for the man to have the financial power in marriage. However, it is not unheard of for the wife to own such powers.  I always believed all that was necessary in sustaining a marriage where the woman has the financial power is the humility and submissiveness of the wife plus a man who is confident without an inferiority complex.  Now having a few friends in this situation, two of whose marriages have ended; I have realized there might be a little more involved. I always believed my friend is very humble and should not have a problem holding a marriage in spite of her financial power in her home. When I asked her, she responded “my sister, it is a different ball game when you are actually in it. it is easier said than done”.  

*sigh*. When asked if they can be in a marriage where the women have the financial power, most men (will) say, ‘sure why not? As long as she is humble. I cannot be intimidated by any woman. I will perform my obligations and it will not be a problem”.  Nicely said. That is majority and majority they say, is usually the one to go with. In this case however, majority have not been in this situation.  In the real sense, there will be times when the man will have no choice but to ask the woman for or borrow money from her.  The man will not like it if this happens too often.  This may sometimes result in him snapping at her even when he did not intend to.

Another thing is, certain issues that the wife will normally disagree with and will want to give a contrary suggestion to and might have gone without a fight may turn out ugly in such a scenario.  For example, the lady who will normally change her wardrobe every six months now wants to do same at a time when the man is struggling to put down upkeep money. The man thinks in the line that if she goes ahead to do that, she may not have extra to compliment where the money is not sufficient and he may have to find the balance in other inconveniencing ways. So man says to wife, ‘do not get new clothes this time. You don’t really need them.’ Woman in our usual stubborn way (has nothing to do with the financial power here) says back, ‘no, I have to get them. I need them. Please let me get them.’ She goes ahead to do so. In a regular situation, the man will only be upset that she did something contrary to his wish but may probably just think, ‘well, it is her money.’. unfortunately, in a situation where the wife has the financial power over the husband, his reaction may tend more to, ‘I see, so because she earns more than me and is very independent of my money she feels she can do as she likes with the money even when I say otherwise. So I cannot even control her. She is very arrogant. She is not submissive.’  In essence, the man’s response/reaction to certain woman attitude is often misinterpreted just because she earns more than him.

It may seem that sustaining a marriage where the wife has more financial power may depend largely on the financial gap. If the guy, in spite of his lower earnings still earns not so poorly, it may not be so difficult with both parties not letting superiority or inferiority come into play. However, if the man’s earning is quite poor, it may not be so easy to sustain such marriage. It will take A LOT. Now this is entirely my opinion from what I have observed.  I believe there will definitely be a few exceptions. 

ACADEMIC GOWN- still prestigious?

It is amazing how many graduations, no scratch that, how many times children would have worn the academic dress/graduation gown by the time they are in their first year in the university. According to Wikipedia, Academic dress is a traditional form of clothing for academic settings, primarily tertiary (and sometimes secondary) education, worn mainly by those that have been admitted to a university degree (or similar) or hold a status that entitles them to assume them (e.g., undergraduate students at certain old universities).

Most children by the age of 5, they already wore the ‘prestigious’ gown twice! Reading it now sounds shocking? Well, that is the trend these days. Schools will have the children in Kg2 graduate to Nursery1. Then when they get to Nursery2, they wear the gown again in recognition of their graduation to Basic/primary 1. (i am getting confused already).  The third time wearing the gown is graduating from basic/primary 5/6 (do we even have 6 again?) out of the primary school to enter into the secondary school. Phew! Now, after the final class in the secondary school, there is a graduation ceremony where the gown is again worn to signify conclusion of the secondary school. Of course we already know it will be worn at the matriculation  and graduation ceremony of  tertiary institutions.

I was of the opinion that this gown is supposed to be a prestigious one to be looked forward to by students. Something like, ‘I can’t wait to make good grades so that I can also wear that prestigious graduation gown’.  You know? However, it may seem that there is no longer any big deal about this gown as even toddlers wear them. It has lost the dignity attached to it.

I spoke to a few school owners and while trying to justify this weird act of letting children who are not yet in secondary schools wear this gown, they said ‘the movement from kg to nursery is a stage migration and should be celebrated.’ Well, i am not arguing and not saying it should not be celebrated. All i am saying is why remove the dignity from the graduation gown? Could there just not be a ‘graduation’ party or end of year party or any name that it needs to be called without the gown?  One proprietor however, argued that they only do from primary 6 and that is because it is the trend and if they do not do it, parents will not be happy as other schools are doing same. It is then possible that maybe we have some proprietors who do not agree to this but only go ahead to do it to follow trend.  It is also another source to rip parents off extra cash. Common! A child is graduating from nursery to basic1 and is asked to pay as much as N20, 000. The average however is N5000. This in my opinion is also unnecessarily much.

Am I complaining because i am a parent or because it sounds absolutely silly to me. Maybe both.

RUN YOUR OWN SHOW- even from the grave

Next of kin is usually a person’s closest living blood relative. It is usually the person you have requested to be called or notified in the event of an emergency or your death. This is the person who, in the absence of a living will, you have chosen to make decision over your properties when you are gone.

I actually did not place much importance to this until two of my friends recently lost their husbands. Very sad indeed. The first thought that came to me was, ‘how will she cope? With two kids. Ok thank God her husband was financially ok and they should be fine.’ Of course I simply assumed naturally that they would be next of kins to their husbands.  However, few days ago, i got talking with some friends and found out about a young widow who, even though has been going back and forth signing documents in the late husband’s office, is actually not the next of kin to him in the office. From a very confirmed source, my friend heard that she was not the one who was going to get whatever was coming to the late husband from the company-quite a huge amount too. Even though I do not know this lady, I felt very close to tears. Why? Because she would wonder why her husband doubted her. Yes. If that is not distrust then what is it? She has kids for him too.

So i decided to just find out from a few married people who their next of kin are. Most men said their wives but said they would change it to their kids once they are of age. Most women said they used their kids but usually use their husband’s names in the case of who to call at the point of emergencies. When asked why their kids, they said because they needed to make sure that when they are gone, the kids will be fine as they KNOW their husbands would get married and may easily be otherwise influenced by another woman. However, those who has their spouses as their next of kin said it was because they trust them to take care of the children if something were to happen to them. The one i found most amusing were the ladies that said they used their husbands as next of kin only because they confirmed first that they also next of kins to their husbands. Haahaa.

Most people never want to think of death but the truth is, we all will die one day and when we die, we want to know that those we left behind are not cheated. Have we thought deeply about who we have used as next of kin? Have we made the best choices? If we use our spouses, are we very sure they will distribute the property justly? If we did not, have we thought about the fact that only they will be left to take care of the kids we have left behind and will need finance for that?  If we have used our kids out of selfish reason of ‘i don’t want her/him to share my property with the next person they marry’, have we considered that our kids will not have access to our property/money until they are of age? Who will provide for them in the mean time? Maybe i am being unreasonably sentimental but i sincerely just think that our spouses should be our next of kin for as long as our kids are still minors or even yet to be born. This is because even if something were to happen to both husband and wife at the same time, the kids automatically get the position of next of kin. Except of course where they are too young and there are very greedy and selfish relatives.

I think in all of this, we can safely say that to avoid having the fear of unknown, apart from having next of kin, we should also have a will drawn by a lawyer. At least that way, we can prevent greedy relatives from controlling things when we are gone.

IS SHE HELPING WITH MORE?

When I used to hear of men having sexual relationships with their maids or wife’s sister/cousin living with them, I used to be like, ‘that is crazy’. But when i started knowing of men or knowing people who actually know men who do such, I am now like ‘what the ....!’ i mean, it is more than crazy. It is disgusting and sad, very sad too.
Often times, neighbours are observant enough to notice even while the wife living under the same roof has not the slightest suspicion. Other than the man being absolutely shameless, i have been wondering what other factors could be responsible for such occurrence. Even with seemingly responsible men. Do we just take the easy route and blame it all on the devil? Hmm. A situation where the wife, for some reason has to leave home earlier than the husband and husband and help (maid or wife’s relative) are left alone at home, you really cannot have control over certain things. Things like what the girl chooses to wear while doing the small early morning chores. Remember it is still early and very likely she has not had a bath. Maybe it is a flimsy wrapper loosely tied round the chest or some other flimsy outfit. Of course, the man is a man and probably starts to see beyond the young girl and sees a pretty young waist moving temptingly in front of him. Young and firm boobs underneath a flimsy top, most likely braless too. Kids are too young to take note of some things. Even if, they have probably gone to school leaving oga alone with the help at home. Maybe the work place is still too far for madam to get home earlier than oga. Once again, the young girl help is the one who is home to open door and welcome oga when he gets back.
Madam gets home and is too busy to notice things around the house or to even listen to her husband’s gist of how his day went. Hmm. She forgets there is a likely substitute. A lot of people are quick to blame the wife and all, but let us be realistic, the way Lagos is wired, how easy is it for one not to have maids? And how easy is it for one to get jobs based on resident location? Sometimes, there are things that begin to happen and if it is not cautioned, may lead to this evil act kicking off which ones it starts, may not stop easily. What do i mean by this? The man may not have such intention from the start but if he encourages small unnecessary jokes between him and the young girl living with them, he may unconsciously find himself being too free with her and vice versa.
Yes, maybe a movie triggered this but truth is, these things happen. I may not be totally right but i think a few of the tell tale signs are when the help (young girl) has a sort of disrespectful attitude towards the husband. Most times it may be as mild as just pretending not to hear when oga talks to or calls her, thereby ignoring him. Another tell tale sign, could be a mild confrontational and overly confident attitude towards madam of the house from the help. Also, if the wife is observant, she might notice a few shared smile between the husband and the help when they think she is not looking. Like i said, all guesses. Maybe you responsible guys reading this want to help us with some more realistic and certain pointers one may notice if this kind of abomination is happening under one’s roof.

SEX TOYS- WOULD YOU GET HER ONE?

Vibrators, dildos. They serve same or similar purposes. Gives pleasure to the female sex organ either through a vibrating sensation or the penetrating effect that feels like a penis. Well, that is the best way i can describe them.
I have friends whose husbands pleasure them during fore-play, using vibrators to tickle the clitoris. This was shocking to me the first time I heard because I never thought a man would even want to know that his wife uses one. Although I have never used one, I will not deny that I do wonder what it would feel like. I was talking to a few married men to find out their opinion about this artificial penis. Of course, majority said they would NEVER let their women use one, whether in their presence or in their absence. A few (not so few) others did not mind. Apparently, some even purchase for their wives. Below are some of the responses I got.
Tim says, ‘my conviction as a Christian forbids me. It is also a sign of weakness for the man.’ He says a big NO to letting his wife use one.
Dr A.C says, ‘most men can try it with girl friends but not with wife.’ Hmm this response shows that there are lots of men who would act out their fantasies with girl friends but never with their wives. Topic for another day.
Enitan says, ‘personally, no. So far say nothing do my sex organ and it is my responsibility to satisfy her. Vibrator may only come in if she enjoys it but it should not be a permanent solution to satisfaction.’
Tae says, ‘yes, one off. It is difficult to get them to climax all the time so they have a right to be crazy ones or twice a year. It is like fingering, you know. Do you really enjoy it? The answer is no but she does. You have to always think of your spouse’s happiness because it will save you a lot of stress.’ This happens to be one of my favourite responses.
Sam says, ‘why not? If that is what excites her. And if it is something new, not there from our dating days, question will be, ‘where is she learning it from?’’
AT says, ‘no I won’t because she may get used to it and there is no way as a human being will i be able to give her the same level of satisfaction. Also there exists the tendency for the frequency of masturbation to increase. This can also create room for lesbianism because it may become easy for her to do it with another woman after all it is the vibrator that is being used.’
Seun says, ‘it does not bother me because I know she will never want vibrator when i am there. I satisfy her more than any vibrator can ever do. If I am not around, make she carry go. Shebi i nor dey?’
For the men who will not tolerate it at all, I wonder what you would do if you suddenly found out your wife has one hidden somewhere in the house. Would you feel cheated on?

I WANT MY WEDDING NIGHT!

Yoruba and our traditions sha! Just heard a new one and I have to know if it was not made up by my friend. I just got off the phone with a friend. He was telling me that his newlywed brother and bride are all with them. I mean, he is at his parents’ and the newlyweds are there too!
‘It is the tradition that the first 2 (or did he say 3) nights, the newlyweds must be at the groom’s family’s house.’ I am still in shock. Full house on my wedding night? The night that should be my first official and if I am a virgin, my first amazing night sexually? That is total wet blanket in my opinion. Where ever that tradition was when I got married, I am glad it was on vacation. Try to imagine it. Couple in room, she is a virgin. He is supposed to consummate the marriage that night. She is too timid to even focus on the pleasure. It remains a painful experience forever because if you are not in a position to ‘feel’ the pleasure, you are more focused on the pain that comes with dislodging the hymen.
Next scenario, she is not a virgin but has been anticipating this night like forever. She knows how loud she can be during sex. Maybe that is the only way she expresses pleasure. Sound track things now. What happens? She is too conscious of the full house to even have fun. Maybe she would not even let the guy that night because she does not want full house hearing her. Even if, groom will be busy muffling sounds with pillow or something. No way! I think we should vote for this tradition to be re-assessed.
Maybe the first night, the couple can be allowed to pass the night in a hotel and then come back to the full house for as long as tradition desires. Even if the house is one big mansion, can all the rooms be sound proof??

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?-Switch it off!

At some or one point in one’s (especially a girl’s) life, we have been hung up on the opposite sex so much so that even when we know there is nothing coming of it, we still find it so had to break it up. Maybe we are dating this guy and suddenly realise we are being taken for granted. Maybe we really like this guy but he only sees us as an option or entertainer or something to call on when bored.  We really want to stop liking this person but it is just so hard. Times like this we just wish feelings could have a switch we can turn off or on.

Truth is, most of us still do not know how to handle such situation and we only stop when the guy finally hurt us with disrespectful actions or words. We do not really wait to get so terrible hurt.  I wonder though, how some of you have successfully stopped such unhealthy (and one sided) relationship(s).  When we eventually do, we look back and wonder what we saw in them that was almost turning us into some pathetic love struck Barbie.

For me, I gradually cut down communication with such a person. Yes, the temptation and urge to contact him is so strong that it is almost chocking but I just tell myself, ‘hurt now than hurt hard later’. The first 2-3 weeks is heart wrenching but then I start getting used to not contacting this person. I adapt, just like every human is created to, a new situation.  Most times, all i need is a month and from then on, I will be fully cured. However, if at any point within the first 3 weeks i talk to the person for longer than necessary, the ‘sore’ is scratched and re opened slightly. This makes it that much longer to be fully cured. In my opinion, I think it is like an ulcer. When you are managing it, never eat or consume anything that can trigger the pains. Once you do, d pain that has been hibernating comes back.  So the trick is, know what triggers it, and stay away from it then you should be just fine.

Another thing I have tried is, look for a major fault in that person and capitalize on it so much so that I gradually start disliking him. Hmm. Most of these are easier said than done. There has to be some simpler ways though. Maybe you have tried some and you care to share what worked.

WHATEVER HIS BLOOD TYPE- he obviously can't be bothered.

 My name is Dotun, 5th and 1st born of dad and mum respectively.  I’m a 28yr old registered nurse living with the sickle cell disease. When Phaozee came to me to tell her more about SCD, I smiled and wondered what there was to tell. I never saw this condition as something so big because I naturally do not see a reason to brood over things that cannot be changed.  Of course, as a child I understood my limitations and felt bad about it but I got over it eventually.

As a nurse, I care for patients as due. As someone that has the same condition, I see it as a phase and I'm like "you'll get over it soon". Pain is described as what the patient says it is and so it should be treated as such. Rehydration, rest, and medications are some of the lines of management.

As a kid, playing football and engaging in some other activities with friends was fun but I discovered others could go out to repeat the same activities the next day while I remained on the bed for days rolling in pain.  I knew there was a difference between me and other kid.  Mum made me feel different amongst siblings, though unconsciously. The “don’t do that, you can’t do this” situation made me feel different. She lost 2 children, 1 to the condition and the other before the genotype could be ascertained.  I played with friends to any level I wanted to, I might not just be able to get up the next day. I have had days too that while playing I go into crisis. Growing up, I missed school on many occasions but it never affected my grades and scores. I had a way of making the top three.  As a result of my good performance, there was less chance for discriminations amongst my peers. In my junior secondary 1 and 2, I have had to struggle to remain in the 13th, 12th and 11th position on some occasions but this wasn’t because of my condition.

Post Secondary education, yes it affected because I felt relaxed like “I really need not struggle, I have my mum”. That got to my head, I didn’t take exams seriously, I failed JAMB a couple of times and when I eventually had the opportunity of gaining admission into a federal polytechnic outside Lagos, I wasn’t allowed to go. I had to settle for a college of education which I was going to from home. It took a while before I realized that I owned my life and mum would not be available forever.

Did I ever blame my parents? At the peak of some painful crises, I may have done so unconsciously but at some other fun times, my mum and I sometimes joke about that. I say stuffs like:  “you have used the love that was worrying you to cause ‘wahala’ for me”.  I had the first crisis when I was 4, according to my parents and I have had crises of varying degrees. I don’t know which I could call the worst but really, I don’t remember the experiences. I guess for me, the memory only lasts as long as the pain. *smiles*.

In my early days in school, precisely, primary and junior secondary school days, I was bullied, I mean bullied in the real sense of the word. I have yellow eyeballs that change from light to deep based on my state of health but never been white. I had a very big tummy and my growth was stunted. I remember a particular girl that called me ‘Oloju Green’ i.e. green eyeballs.

Based on academic performances and consistency, I was made the Head boy in secondary school but it was hell. Even junior students threatened to deal with me basically because of my stature.

Looking back, I see how normal it would have been for primary and secondary school children to deal with such funny look especially when there was no form of education that tended towards that.

Talking about relationships, my self confidence was missing. I couldn’t walk up to any girl, my size and tummy didn’t let me and some that I was able to talk to just saw me as a joke. I didn’t see that as discrimination at the time. It’s in the past now anyway.

I have never had difficulty talking about this condition. I mean, I never hid it from people around me.  I have built a support system, made friends and I have contacts of people living with SCD that rolls into twenties if not more and finally I know more about the disorder because of my profession.

The feeling of not being in it alone, the fact that I can explain what is happened to the cells and what is happening in the body tissues at the time of crisis makes it easy to talk about it.

When you ask if it makes sense for two carriers of the sickle cell disease to get married, hmmm, SS and AS genotyped people are all out for AAs, how many AAs could there possibly be?

I have been at this point before. I am SS and was in a relationship with a girl who is AS. I saw a wife in her and that was what mattered only that she wasn’t willing to go the marriage line. I know of an SS who married an AS and they are happy together. Children come after marriage, a good marriage is first the husband and the wife who love and understand themselves.

I don’t subscribe to having children with SS because of love. The pain is not something children should be subjected to but I appreciate it when couples love and understand themselves. Adoption is an option for me or even remaining together without children. It’s not an easy decision to make but understanding matters a lot.

As someone living with SCD, you need to understand that living with sickle cell builds courage, determination, endurance and perseverance. Discover these strengths.

The truth is we can do anything we want to do but MODERATION is key.

Learn to pace yourself and understand what works for you. Follow your doctor’s orders but you could be a deviant sometimes, it makes it all fun.

CHILD(REN)

I have been thinking a lot about this for a while so I think it is time that I put it down in writing.
Why do people want to raise only children who are their flesh and blood? I don’t fully understand it. You get pregnant, your hormones starts playing up, you start having mood swings, vomiting, unable to stand familiar smells and you start looking and feeling very heavy. Some not so lucky mums even end up with post natal depression.
I understand and appreciate that at the end of it there is a bundle of joy to take home with you but whatever is wrong with adopting? In my opinion, men are so set and rigid about this, they wont even consider having a child in their home who is not theirs. There are so many kids out there; orphans, abandoned at birth – praying day in day out for a loving family to come and take them home and make them part of a family and feel the love that comes with being part of something good.
Why can couples who want more than 2 kids not adopt after their 2nd natural child? Think of the reward from the almighty because every good deed we do is rewarded, the joy you will be bringing to an abandoned child’s life and the help you are giving to society not to mention the fact that carrying a pregnancy to full term and taking a baby home after delivery or even yourself home in Nigeria is becoming hard for Nigerian doctors. I cant begin to count how many families in Lagos alone that I know of that has lost a mum and wife due to the incompetence of doctors.
Couples who are struggling to have children of their own, this could be something that you can consider, being stressed about not getting pregnant every passing month may not be helping your situation as it has been proven by some medical studies and researches but if you do this act of kindness and start being too busy that you don’t have time to be thinking of not being pregnant, you just may end up being pregnant. Things like that usually happen when you are too busy to think about it.
I do hope i have men readers so I implore you all to please go home, think about it and maybe take the leap of faith and do it. God will help and reward you for it. If you have any thoughts about this write up, don’t just sit there and say it to yourself, drop me a line, I like to know what you think of it. Maybe you think it’s a mad idea or a stupid one or a good one. I hope you find it thought provoking enough to also recommend this page to a friend.

curled from: http://bonnetcap.wordpress.com/